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Human Nature Script
(Edit)

                                      "HUMAN NATURE"

                                            by

                                     Charlie Kaufman

                                       May 20, 1995

                                       FIRST DRAFT

                

               BLACKNESS.

               There is a gunshot. A crow screams. A fluttering of wings.

               FADE IN:

               EXT. FOREST - DAY

               Bird's-eye view. We circle lazily above the forest.

               Through a break in the trees, we catch an occasional glimpse 
               of a prostrate form on the ground. As the circling camera 
               gets closer we see that the form is a human body.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXTREME CLOSE-UP OF LILA TALKING TO THE CAMERA

                                     LILA
                         I'm not sorry.

               A bead of sweat trickles down her cheek. Then: a blinding 
               flash of light obliterates her face.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXTREME CLOSE-UP OF PUFF TALKING TO THE CAMERA

                                     PUFF
                         I am sorry.

               A tear wells in Puff's eye and runs down his face. Another 
               blinding flash of light.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXTREME CLOSE-UP OF NATHAN TALKING TO THE CAMERA

                                     NATHAN
                         I don't even know what sorry means 
                         anymore.

               As Nathan speaks, a trickle of blood drips down his face 
               from his out-of-frame forehead. Another blinding flash of 
               light.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT

               It's a frenetic hand-held shot as Lila is pulled from a police 
               car and dragged into the precinct house. Cameras flash. 
               Reporters shout questions. Lila attempts to shield her face 
               from view, but she is handcuffed and can only manage to hunch 
               her shoulders.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT

               A ratty interrogation room. Institutional green walls.

               Beat-up file cabinets. Dark. A bit of fluorescent light spills 
               in through the frosted glass door. Lila, thirties, sits at 
               the end of a long table. A reel-to-reel tape recorder whirs 
               in front of her. She is smoking. Three fat, mean-looking 
               cops sit in shadows at the other end of the table. One of 
               the cops eyes her lasciviously. Lila's hand shakes as she 
               brings the cigarette to her mouth.

                                     LILA
                         I'm not sorry. So I spend the rest 
                         of my life in jail. So what? I've 
                         been in jail my whole life anyway. A 
                         jail of blood and tissue and coursing 
                         hormones...

               One of the cops sighs and massages the bridge of his nose.

               It's going to be a long night.

                                     LILA
                         ...a jail called the human body.

               The lascivious cop smiles lasciviously at Lila's reference 
               to "human body."

                                     LILA
                         My soul held prisoner in this reeking, 
                         stench-ridden bag of bones and 
                         entrails. A bag of feces and piss 
                         and fibroid cysts in my tits and 
                         precancerous moles on my sun-damaged 
                         back...

               The lascivious cop gags, then vomits on the floor. Lila drags 
               on her cigarette, calmer now.

                                     LILA
                         At least now I'll be able to blame 
                         the state, not God, for my 
                         incarceration.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY

               Puff, thirties, dirty, scraggly hair and beard but in a crisp 
               business suit, testifies before a congressional committee. 
               The auditorium is filled with reporters and spectators. Puff 
               sits in front of a microphone, counsel at his side. He pours 
               himself a glass of water, drinks, clears his throat, then 
               speaks: stentorian, confident.

                                     PUFF
                         I am sorry, gentlemen, sorry for all 
                         of us. Your's is a complicated, sad 
                         world.

               This is a revelation to the assembled crowd. People whisper 
               to each other.

                                     PUFF
                         And I never knew that. I was living 
                         a life of simplicity, of purity, 
                         when I was ripped out of my Eden and 
                         immersed in this harshness. Some 
                         would argue that the life I was living 
                         was not a human life at all. And, 
                         gentlemen, I don't have any clever 
                         retort. I am not a philosopher. The 
                         only thing I know is that I am sorry, 
                         sorry for my expulsion from Eden, 
                         sorry for my Lila rotting in her 
                         jail cell, and sorry for Nathan... 
                         rotting in his grave.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. WHITE SPACE - DAY

               Nathan, thirties, in a white robe, sits alone at a white 
               table. Everything is white except for an oozing bullet wound 
               in Nathan's temple.

                                     NATHAN
                         I don't even know what sorry means 
                         anymore. It's odd. When I was alive 
                         I knew -- maybe it was all I knew -- 
                         but here sorry is meaningless. Love 
                         is meaningless. Jealousy is 
                         meaningless. Ambition is meaningless. 
                         Everything that motivated my every 
                         breath while I was alive is 
                         meaningless now.
                              (beat)
                         I guess that's how I can be sure I'm 
                         really dead.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT

               Lila watches the slowly churning tape recorder reels, fixated. 
               The cop who vomited is mopping it up. The other two are 
               sipping coffee. Lila talks.

                                     LILA
                         My story begins when I was twelve.

                                     COP
                              (checks watch)
                         Jesus.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - DAY

               It's got that faded, "memory" look. Twelve year old Lila 
               hurries home from school, books clutched to her chest.

               Other kids walk along the street in pairs or groups, laughing 
               and chatting. Lila walks alone, a worried scowl on her face.

                                     LILA (V.O.)
                         Something terrible happened when I 
                         was twelve.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LITTLE GIRL'S ROOM - DAY

               Colors are still muted. It looks to be somewhere in the early 
               70's based on the preponderance of Bay City Rollers posters 
               on the wall. Twelve year old Lila enters the room, closes 
               the door, locks it, rattles the doorknob to make sure that 
               the door is really locked. She draws the shades. She pulls 
               some t-shirts from her dresser drawer and stuffs them into 
               the space between the bottom of the door and the floor.

                                     KID BROTHER (O.S.)
                              (muffled)
                         Hey, no fair!

                                     TWELVE YEAR OLD LILA
                         Drop dead, Eric.

               Lila stands nervously in front of the full-length mirror on 
               her closet door. She takes a deep breath and begins to 
               unbutton her shirt, watching herself carefully in the mirror.

                                     ADULT LILA (V.O.)
                         Something terrible started to happen 
                         to my body when I was twelve. My 
                         mother said because of it I would 
                         never be able to get a man, so I 
                         should get used to the idea of 
                         dedicating my life to the pursuit of 
                         knowledge, or religion... or whatever.

               Lila's shirt is now unbuttoned. She pulls it open. She is 
               wearing a training bra over the very beginning of breast 
               buds. On the chest above the bra, and on her stomach below 
               it, is hair. Dark curly hair. She stares at it, touches it 
               cautiously. Then she starts to cry. She crouches into a ball 
               and weeps.

                                     ADULT LILA (V.O.)
                         The doctor said...

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY

               Old fashioned office. Twelve year old Lila sits on the 
               examination table, her shirt off. An elderly male doctor 
               touches the hair, fingers it. Her mother looks on.

                                     DOCTOR
                              (to the mother)
                         It's hormonal. Nature is a funny and 
                         complex thing. It could get worse 
                         with time.

               Young Lila turns to the camera.

                                     TWELVE YEAR OLD LILA
                         By the time I was twenty I looked 
                         like an ape.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT

               The cop who vomited, gags again. Lila stares at him. Her 
               face is hard, blank. She stubs out her cigarette.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY

               Puff testifies before the committee.

                                     PUFF
                         I don't think there's anyone in the 
                         world who doesn't know by now that I 
                         was raised in the wilderness by an 
                         ape. Well, to be fair, by a man who 
                         thought himself an ape, but it amounts 
                         to the same thing gentlemen, does it 
                         not?

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               EXT. FOREST CLEARING - DAY.

               This has a faded, "memory" look also. A naked, bearded, dirty 
               middle-aged man and a naked, dirty ten year old Puff walk 
               along like apes, crouched over and dragging their knuckles.

                                     PUFF (V.O.)
                         My father escaped from a New Jersey 
                         mental institution in 1963.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT

               It's raining and deserted. Puff's father, in pajamas, comes 
               tearing around the corner. He runs crazily towards the camera, 
               waving his arms, puffing out his cheeks.

                                     PUFF (V.O.)
                         He had been committed the previous 
                         year after applying one too many 
                         times at our local zoo for the job 
                         of "apprentice ape."

               Puff's father passes a newspaper vending machine, stops, 
               goes back and examines the headline. It reads: President 
               Kennedy Assassinated. Puff's father looks heavenward and 
               clutches at his temples in despair.

                                     PUFF (V.O.)
                         My father saw what the human race 
                         had come to while he was... in 
                         captivity. He felt something had to 
                         be done to create a better world.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE - NIGHT

               Puff's father climbs out a second story window with a small 
               bundle in his arms. He runs off into the night.

                                     PUFF (V.O.)
                         He stole little me from my mother, 
                         his ex-wife, and raised me, with 
                         love and tenderness and respect, as 
                         an ape like himself.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY

               Puff looks pointedly at the congressman.

                                     PUFF
                         Apes don't assassinate their 
                         presidents, gentlemen.

               The congressmen are shamed: they look down, they take notes, 
               they mumble instructions to the assistants seated behind 
               them.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. FOREST - DAY

               An adult Puff and his now older father sit on the forest 
               floor and pick bugs off each other and eat them.

                                     PUFF (V.O.)
                         Until quite recently I believed myself 
                         to be an ape, although I didn't know 
                         specifically what type. Apes don't 
                         think in terms of type.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY

               Puff testifies.

                                     PUFF
                         It might be argued, gentlemen, that 
                         apes don't even know that they are 
                         apes. In retrospect, however, I'd 
                         say that I was a pygmy chimp.

               Puff holds up an illustration of a pygmy chimp. Several 
               reporters run from the room: a scoop!

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. WHITE SPACE - DAY

               Nathan talks to nobody in particular.

                                     NATHAN
                         I have to say I always hated apes. 
                         Of course I don't any longer. I don't 
                         even know what hate means now. But 
                         while alive, I hated apes. I blame 
                         my parents. I mean, I don't blame 
                         them. I don't know what blame is, 
                         really, anymore, but I think they 
                         influenced me in my ape-hating 
                         tendencies.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               EXT. ZOO - DAY

               Faded colors. Ten year old Nathan in a bow tie and shortpanted 
               suit walks along with his uptight, British parents.

               They arrive at the ape pen. Nathan is excited. He jumps up 
               and down. The apes jump up and down also.

                                     NATHAN AS A BOY
                         Monkeys! Look, mama, monkeys!

                                     MOTHER
                              (clamping down on his 
                              shoulder)
                         Nathan, those are not monkeys. Those 
                         are apes. Mountain Gorillas to be 
                         precise.

               There is a commotion off screen. Two uniformed attendants 
               drag Puff's father, straitjacketed and kicking and screaming 
               like an ape, past Nathan and his parents.

                                     PUFF'S FATHER
                         I am not a human being! I am an 
                         animal!

               Nathan, his father, and the other zoo patrons look on 
               curiously, a little frightened. Nathan's mother chooses to 
               ignore it.

                                     MOTHER
                         And furthermore... Tell him, Harold.

                                     FATHER
                              (distracted)
                         Uh...
                              (then by rote)
                         We must never act like apes, son. 
                         For you see, The ape is our closest 
                         biological relative -- specifically 
                         the pygmy chimp.
                              (holds up the same 
                              illustration of a 
                              pygmy chimp that 
                              Puff showed the 
                              congressional 
                              committee)
                         A single chromosome separates us. 
                         But you know what truly separates us 
                         from the apes, what makes us better 
                         than apes?

                                     NATHAN AS A BOY
                         No, papa. What?

                                     FATHER
                         Culture. Civilization. Refinement. 
                         If we do not have these as humans, 
                         then we might as well be living in 
                         pens and throwing our feces about, 
                         masturbating in public...
                              (beat, a reverie)
                         ...sniffing red swollen female rump...

                                     MOTHER
                         Enough, Harold.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT

               Lila lights a new cigarette with her spent one. She drags.

                                     LILA
                         Oh, I had sexual urges. I had the 
                         urge to merge, officers. Inside I 
                         was 100% Grade A female.
                              (laughs derisively)
                         But what self-loathing I felt! Who 
                         would have someone as repulsive, as 
                         unladylike as me? I did everything I 
                         could to shield the world from this 
                         repulsiveness.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. COLLEGE DORM BATHROOM - DAY

               Stockings hang over the shower curtain rod. The window shade 
               is drawn. Towels are stuffed in the space under the door. A 
               twenty year old naked Lila is covered with shaving cream, 
               face to feet. She is shaving. There is a pounding on the 
               door.

                                     FEMALE ROOMMATE (O.S.)
                         Lila, what are you doing in there? I 
                         need to get ready for my date.

                                     LILA
                         Nothing! I'll be out in a minute!

               The door opens. Lila freezes.

                                     FEMALE ROOMMATE
                         Look, I'll just...
                              (stops in her tracks 
                              when she sees Lila)
                         What the...?

               Lila is mortified.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. DORM ROOM - A BIT LATER

               Lila is sitting in her bathrobe on her bed and staring out 
               the window. There is a bit of shaving cream behind her ear.

               Her roommate runs back and forth getting ready for her date.

                                     FEMALE ROOMMATE
                         I don't know why you didn't tell me 
                         about this.

                                     LILA
                         It's embarrassing, okay?

                                     FEMALE ROOMMATE
                         It's not so bad.
                              (beat)
                         So, it just keeps growing?

                                     LILA
                         Yeah, Natalie. It's hair. It grows.

                                     FEMALE ROOMMATE
                         Well, don't jump down my throat. I'm 
                         just trying to help.

                                     LILA
                         How is that helping, Natalie? How 
                         exactly?

                                     FEMALE ROOMMATE
                         Look, if you're going to be like 
                         that... You should be appreciative 
                         that I'm interested.

                                     LILA
                         Why, because I'm a freak and you are 
                         beautiful, and you are being nice 
                         enough to come down to my freak, 
                         nonbeautiful level and act concerned 
                         about my repulsive troubles?

                                     FEMALE ROOMMATE
                              (pegged)
                         You're fucked up, Lila.
                              (out the door)
                         Why don't you fucking try electrolysis 
                         or something? Figure it out for 
                         chrissake.

               The door slams. Lila hugs her knees to her chest.

                                     LILA (V.O.)
                         At sixty dollars an hour, electrolysis 
                         was not a feasible solution. I 
                         explored my alternatives.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. ART MUSEUM - DAY

               Twelve year old Lila walks sadly through an art museum. she 
               looks at various old portraits of men. She studies their 
               facial hair. When she turns a corner, she is shocked to see 
               a large Renaissance painting of a naked woman entirely covered 
               with fur. She hurries to it. She looks at the placard next 
               to the painting. It is a painting of Mary Magdalene.

                                     LILA (V.O.)
                         I remember once coming across a 
                         painting of Mary Magdalene entirely 
                         covered with fur. I guess that's 
                         where I got the idea that maybe the 
                         Catholic Church might be a place 
                         that encouraged excessive hair growth 
                         in its women.

               INT. CONVENT - DAY

               Lila, in a nun's habit, is on her knees praying.

                                     LILA (V.O.)
                         So I became a nun.

                                     LILA
                         Heavenly Father...
                              (sighs)
                         ...please let this hair go away.

                                     LILA (V.O.)
                         But my prayers were always so selfish.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. FIELD - NIGHT

               A bunch of naked women dance and chat around a campfire.

               Lila is there, pretty hairy. So are many of the other women.

                                     LILA (V.O.)
                         I tried being a lesbian separatist.

                                     LESBIANS
                              (chanting)
                         A woman without a man / Is like a 
                         fish without a bicycle.

                                     LILA (V.O.)
                         But I guess I just wasn't attracted 
                         to women, even hostile, man-hating, 
                         hairy ones who wore sensible shoes.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. TENT - DAY

               Lila, in a full beard, sits on a throne before a crowd of 
               gawking, dumb-looking, mouth-breathing children. Next to her 
               on a separate stage is a sour-looking, middle-aged midget 
               man sitting on a throne, staring blankly into space.

                                     LILA (V.O.)
                         For a while I was a professional 
                         circus freak.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. TENT - DAY

               Lila, in a Santa suit, with beard sprayed white, sits on a 
               throne in front of a crowd of gawking, dumb-looking, mouth-
               breathing children. One of them is on her lap. Next to her 
               sits the sour midget, dressed in an elf suit.

                                     LILA (V.O.)
                         During the holiday season, they made 
                         us wear costumes.

                                     LILA
                              (depressed)
                         Ho ho ho.

                                     KID ON HER LAP
                         That's not real.

               The kid pulls Lila's beard.

                                     LILA
                         Ow! You little fuck.

                                     LILA (V.O.)
                         Aside from the great dental, this 
                         occupation was not pleasant.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT

               Lila walks home. She's wrapped in winter clothing, but we 
               can still see a bit of her white beard. It's snowing. The 
               street is deserted. She spots a lighted window, she peers 
               in. It's a warm family scene. Large group of chatting, 
               laughing people. Fire in the fireplace. Big turkey on the 
               table.

                                     LILA (V.O.)
                         They say the holidays are difficult 
                         for a lot of people.

               Lila looks down the street and sees dozens of lonely-looking 
               people peering forlornly in warmly lit windows. Some on 
               ladders to peer in second-floor windows. Lila sighs.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT

               The room is lit with candles. Lila finishes shaving herself 
               all over. Then she takes the double-edged blade out of the 
               razor and climbs into the a bathtub filled with warm water.

               She is about to slice her wrists.

                                     LILA (V.O.)
                         I decided there was something poetic 
                         about killing myself with a razor 
                         blade.

               On the shelf next to the tub a little gray mouse watches her 
               intently. At first she is startled, but then she and the 
               creature seem to be communing. His little black beady eyes 
               reflect the light. Lila starts to cry. She puts down the 
               blade.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT

               Lila wipes a tear from her eye.

                                     LILA
                         The way that mouse looked at me. 
                         There was no judgement. It didn't 
                         care if I had hair all over my body. 
                         I was just what I was. I felt so 
                         free. Do you understand what I'm 
                         saying?

               The cops look up, on the spot. It seems their minds were 
               elsewhere.

                                     COP
                         Something about a mouse, right?

               Lila sighs.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               EXT. FOREST - EARLY MORNING

               We see a tent in a clearing. A smoking campfire. There is a 
               rustling inside the tent. Lila steps out naked. She is covered 
               with fur. She pours a cup of coffee, and stands, comfortable 
               in her skin, watching the world around her.

               Squirrels jump from tree to tree, birds look down at her.

               She smiles.

                                     LILA (V.O.)
                         Birds and squirrels and rocks and 
                         trees didn't seem to judge my hair. 
                         I felt at peace when there were no 
                         humans around. I figured out a way 
                         to spend as much time as possible 
                         with no people around. I became a 
                         nature writer.

               Lila picks up a pad and pen from a rock, sits on the rock 
               and writes.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BEAUTY PARLOR - DAY

               A woman under a hair drier reads a book intently. We see the 
               first sentence of the chapter: "Last night I almost died on 
               this mountain top." We hear Lila's dramatic reading competing 
               with the very loud sound of the hair drier.

                                     LILA
                         Last night I almost died on this 
                         mountain top, and the irony is I had 
                         never felt more alive.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               EXT. FOREST - NIGHT

               There is a violent, violent storm. The hair drier drone has 
               turned into the explosive noise of rain beating down in sheets 
               and wind howling at fifty miles an hour. Branches crack. 
               Lila's tent blows over, revealing her huddled there with a 
               sleeping bag wrapped around her like a blanket.

                                     LILA
                         I knew it was coming when in late 
                         afternoon, a thunderhead drifted 
                         over, sneaking in like kids through 
                         the back door of a movie theater, 
                         forced casual. It turned the sky a 
                         queer shade of green. A green that 
                         said "watch out, baby, this is gonna 
                         hurt like hell." I could've 
                         hightailed, but that would be 
                         cheating. Part of the Nature 
                         experience is recognizing its mastery 
                         over you, your smallness in the face 
                         of it.

               Lightning hits a tree nearby. It falls with a smack 
               practically on top of Lila. She screams, then defiantly 
               stands, throwing off the sleeping bag. The wind and rain 
               whip her hair around her head. She laughs with amazing gusto 
               and raise her arms like a runner winning a marathon.

                                     LILA
                         As Nietzsche said, what does not 
                         kill me makes me stronger, and that 
                         goes double if you're a woman.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. BOOK STORE WINDOW - DAY

               We see many copies of a book entitled "Wind in my Hair" by 
               Lila Jute.

                                     LILA (V.O.)
                         I became a successful nature writer.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BEAUTY PARLOR - DAY

               We see a woman under a hair drier reading "Wind in my Hair".

               We pull back to see that a long row of women under hair driers 
               are reading Lila's book. They all stand defiantly, proudly, 
               knocking their hair driers up and back as they do.

               The blowing hair driers whip the women's wet hair around 
               their heads. The blowing hair drier drone is unbearably loud.

                                     LILA
                         Then I became a famous nature writer. 
                         I said to myself, fuck humanity...

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. BOOKSTORE WINDOW - DAY

               A big display of the book "Fuck Humanity" by Lila Jute. A 
               long line of women with beautifully coiffured hair snakes 
               out of the store.

                                     LILA
                         ...and I became a recluse. I had a 
                         menagerie of animals at my house. 
                         They loved me because I was me. They 
                         loved me on the days I shaved. They 
                         loved me on the days I didn't. For a 
                         while this was enough.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. LOG HOUSE - DAY

               Lila lies in bed tapping on a lap top. A dog lies with her 
               and licks her knee. She seems to enjoy it, and gets lost in 
               a reverie. The dog morphs into a handsome man, kissing her 
               knee and working his way up her thigh and under her nightgown. 
               Lila is getting seriously hot and bothered. Her head lolls. 
               But the reverie dissipates and the man turns back into a dog 
               rooting around her crotch with his cold nose. She pushes him 
               away. The dejected dog gets off the bed.

                                     LILA (V.O.)
                         By the time I was thirty I was very, 
                         very horny.

               Lila gets out of bed and studies herself in the mirror. She 
               brushes her hands against her hairy body.

                                     LILA
                         I had to have a man in my... life. 
                         At any cost. I would become what I 
                         needed to become to achieve this. I 
                         would become a hairless lie.

               The mirror image of Lila shimmers and turns into Lila with 
               no body hair. Lila all made-up and with a smart new hairstyle. 
               She assumes a coquettish pose and smiles cutely at herself.

                                     LILA
                         I was rich enough for electrolysis 
                         by this time, so I began the long 
                         arduous process of having each 
                         inappropriate hair burned out of my 
                         body at the root.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT

               Lila talks. One of the cops is doodling. One is picking wax 
               from his ear with a pencil. One is reading a paperback novel 
               under the table.

                                     LILA
                         This is when everything changed, and 
                         this is where my confession really 
                         begins.

               The cops look up.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. ELECTROLOGIST'S OFFICE - DAY

               Lila lies shirtless on a table while Rose, her fifty year 
               old electrologist, works on her back.

                                     ROSE
                         Progress!

                                     LILA
                         Ouch. Yeah?

                                     ROSE
                         Oh yes, honey. Getting to be smooth 
                         smooth smooth all over. Smooth as a 
                         baby's butt.

                                     LILA
                         I love it, Rose. I'm getting to be a 
                         real girl.

                                     ROSE
                         You still in the market for a real 
                         boy?

                                     LILA
                         Always. Ow.

                                     ROSE
                              (beat)
                         Cause there's this guy. My brother 
                         knows him. Might be right up your 
                         alley.

                                     LILA
                         Tell me. I could use someone up my 
                         alley.

                                     ROSE
                              (playing dumb)
                         I don't get that. Is that sexual?

                                     LILA
                         Shut up and tell me.

                                     ROSE
                         Handsome, thirties, psychologist...

                                     LILA
                         Loves animals? Ouch. Must love 
                         animals, Rose.

                                     ROSE
                         Loves animals. Loves you.

                                     LILA
                         What do you mean?

                                     ROSE
                         Somehow it came up that you were a 
                         friend of mine. Mr. handsome, animal-
                         loving psychologist said he would 
                         love to meet you.

                                     LILA
                         Holy shit. Your brother didn't tell 
                         him about the nature of our 
                         relationship, did he?

                                     ROSE
                         My brother is discreet.

                                     LILA
                              (rubbing her hand 
                              over her jaw)
                         Won't he be able to tell?

                                     ROSE
                         My brother says the guy's a thirty-
                         five year old virgin, so maybe he 
                         won't know how women usually feel. 
                         Plus he's got bad eyesight, almost 
                         legally blind, which is helpful in 
                         this situation. Plus he's got an 
                         extremely small penis, of which he 
                         is "mortifyingly ashamed", so chances 
                         are he'll be so grateful for any non-
                         judgmental attention, that he'll be 
                         yours forever.

                                     LILA
                         God, he must be really close to your 
                         brother to tell him such personal 
                         stuff.

                                     ROSE
                         Yeah, well my brother is his shrink.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

               It's a chi-chi place. Lila sits at a table with Nathan, 
               fastidious in dress and manner. There is an awkward firstdate 
               silence. She sneaks a glance at his crotch. Then:

                                     NATHAN
                         Meditations on a Banana Slug was a 
                         delightful read.

                                     LILA
                         Thank you so much. I love slugs. All 
                         slugs, not just banana slugs.

                                     NATHAN
                         As do I.

                                     LILA
                         They're so even keel. They forge 
                         ahead with slow determination. They 
                         don't get distracted or side-tracked. 
                         They don't care what they look like.
                         They don't care that people look at 
                         them and go, "Ewww. A slug."

                                     NATHAN
                         They don't seem to be especially ego 
                         driven, this is true.

                                     LILA
                         You've got to respect that.

                                     NATHAN
                         I have to say that I'm not there 
                         yet.

                                     LILA
                         Where?

                                     NATHAN
                         Slugdom. Sluggishness. Whatever you'd 
                         call it. I'm not there yet. I still 
                         have many human characteristics.

                                     LILA
                         That's not necessarily a bad thing.

                                     NATHAN
                         Yes. I suppose not. But still. One 
                         would like to move along. To move 
                         beyond.

                                     LILA
                         I'm not sure we can escape our 
                         natures. Believe me I've tried. I'm 
                         not even so sure anymore that we 
                         should want to.

                                     NATHAN
                         I love that you said that. It makes 
                         me feel a bit lighter. I've been 
                         rather heavy lately. Thinking about 
                         my childhood. Realizing how much a 
                         product I am of my upbringing.
                              (beat, cautiously)
                         I've been seeing someone. A therapist.

                                     LILA
                              (feigning surprise)
                         You are a therapist, right?

                                     NATHAN
                         No no. I'm a psychologist, but I do 
                         research. I'm a behaviorist. I work 
                         with animals. Mice at the moment.

                                     LILA
                         I hope you don't perform any of those 
                         dreadful torture experiments, Nathan.

                                     NATHAN
                         Heavens no. My work now is... Right 
                         now I'm teaching mice... well, table 
                         manners, to be candid.

                                     LILA
                              (beat. doesn't know 
                              what to say)
                         How's it going?

                                     NATHAN
                         Quite well, really. It's a lot of 
                         work. A lot of reinforcement, mostly 
                         positive. Right now I've gotten two 
                         of my subjects to use napkins. Tiny 
                         napkins of course.

                                     LILA
                         Paper or cloth?

                                     NATHAN
                         I hope you don't think me daft. It's 
                         important work. It's part of a larger 
                         sociological experiment. I'm federally 
                         funded.

                                     LILA
                         What's the larger experiment?

                                     NATHAN
                         It's my thesis that if table manners 
                         can be taught to mice, they can be 
                         taught to humans.

                                     LILA
                         Going out on a limb, aren't you, 
                         Nathan?

                                     NATHAN
                              (speech)
                         The truth is most people don't have 
                         table manners today. And when the 
                         foundations of civilized society 
                         crumble and disappear, civilized 
                         society in its entirely follows 
                         closely at its heels.

                                     LILA
                         I'm not sure.

                                     NATHAN
                              (stridently)
                         Courtesy, decorum, manners, are all 
                         sadly lacking from our daily 
                         intercourse. Rudeness, vulgarity, 
                         meanness are the norm.

                                     LILA
                         We are animals after all.

                                     NATHAN
                         Ergo if I can teach table manners to 
                         mice, I can teach them to humans. If 
                         I can teach table manners to humans, 
                         I can save the world.

               Nathan blushes. Lila stares at him for a long moment. Her 
               thoughts are unreadable.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. ELECTROLOGIST'S OFFICE - DAY

               Lila lies on her back. Rose works on her breasts.

                                     ROSE
                         So?

                                     LILA
                         I really like him, Rose. He's so...
                              (searching)
                         ...passionate about his work.

                                     ROSE
                         My brother says he likes you, too.

                                     LILA
                              (pleased)
                         Really?

                                     ROSE
                         Yeah. Says he likes you even more 
                         than he likes his own mother. And 
                         according to my brother Nathan's 
                         abormally close with his mother.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. WHITE SPACE - DAY

               Nathan talks.

                                     NATHAN
                         I began going to a therapist when I 
                         was in my thirties, because I felt 
                         that I wasn't enjoying life the way 
                         my friends were.
                              (beat)
                         After a time my childhood came up.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. DINING ROOM - DAY

               It is another sepia scene. Nathan as a ten year old sits at 
               the table with his parents. There is a bowl of salad in front 
               of each of them. Everyone's head is bowed in prayer.

                                     FATHER
                         Lord, we thank you for this bountiful 
                         gift we are about to receive.

                                     ALL
                         Amen.

               Eyes open, and young Nathan reaches for a fork to eat the 
               salad. He grabs the wrong fork. Mother's eyes widen in horror.

                                     MOTHER
                         My God, no! My God!
                              (disappointed)
                         Oh, Nathan.

               Nathan looks up.

                                     MOTHER
                         That is the wrong fork, young man.
                              (to father)
                         Harold, tell the boy.

                                     FATHER
                         That is the wrong fork, young man.

                                     NATHAN AS A BOY
                              (panicky)
                         I'll use the right one. I'm sorry. I 
                         forgot.

                                     MOTHER
                         Harold, tell the boy more.

                                     FATHER
                         Too late. Go to your room.

                                     NATHAN AS A BOY
                         But...

                                     MOTHER
                         Harold! Tell the boy again.

                                     FATHER
                              (looking at mother)
                         No "buts." Go to your room now.

                                     MOTHER
                              (looking at father)
                         And?

                                     FATHER
                         And think about what you've done.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE - DAY

               Adult Nathan sits on the couch, dabbing at his eyes.

               Wendall, his therapist sits across from him and writes 
               something in his notebook.

                                     WENDALL
                         And do you think maybe this early 
                         childhood indoctrination has something 
                         to do with your interest in table 
                         manners in the present.

               Nathan thinks long and hard about this. He seems to be really 
               straining, squinting his eyes. Finally:

                                     NATHAN
                         I don't think so. No.

               Wendall nods and scribbles something on his pad.

                                     NATHAN
                         Why do you ask?

               Wendall looks up.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LAB - DAY

               Everything's white. People in lab coats hustle back and forth. 
               Nathan, also in a lab coat, is hovering over a Lucite 
               encasement. Inside we see two white mice, both attached to 
               electrodes. They sit in little chairs at a little table. In 
               front of each of them is a little plate of salad and three 
               forks of varying size under Lucite domes.

               Nathan nods to his pretty French assistant, Gabrielle, who 
               presses a button. The Lucite domes over the salads lift.

               Tentatively both mice reach for a fork. There is a tiny piece 
               of velcro on each mouse's paw and a tiny piece of velcro on 
               each of the forks. The first mouse picks the correct fork, 
               and stabs it into the salad and eats happily, relieved. The 
               second mouse picks the wrong fork. Nathan presses a button, 
               which sends the mouse flying off his chair with an electric 
               shock. The correct mouse keeps eating, unconcerned. Nathan 
               makes a note in his notebook.

               Gabrielle watches Nathan as he writes, enchanted.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

               The table is elegantly set, candlelit. Lila sits at it while 
               Nathan fusses in the kitchenette. Something classical wafts 
               over from the stereo in the living room. Nathan places a 
               salad in front of Lila and sits across from her with his own 
               salad.

                                     LILA
                         It looks wonderful.

                                     NATHAN
                         You look wonderful. I'm on top of 
                         the world tonight, Lila. Work is 
                         going splendidly and my personal 
                         life is ...

               Lila picks up a fork from the inside of her setting, not the 
               outside. Nathan blinks. Lila tastes the salad.

                                     LILA
                         Um-mmm. Oh Nathan, this salad is 
                         delish...

                                     NATHAN
                              (clenched teeth)
                         My God! The fork! The fork!

                                     LILA
                         I'm sorry?

                                     NATHAN
                              (strangely)
                         Tell her, Harold...
                              (stops himself)
                         It's just that... It's nothing. It's 
                         just that the outside fork is the 
                         salad fork. One goes from the outside 
                         in as the dinner progresses.

                                     LILA
                         Oh, I'm sorry.
                              (picks up correct 
                              fork)
                         I'm sorry, Nathan. I never really 
                         learned those things.

                                     NATHAN
                              (forced casual)
                         No biggie.

               There is a long silence as they both eat the salad.

                                     LILA
                         Boy, this is good!

                                     NATHAN
                         I'm sorry that I became so upset.

                                     LILA
                         No, I'm sorry. I'm really backward 
                         in certain areas.

                                     NATHAN
                              (beat, blurting)
                         It's only that I really enjoy your 
                         company and...

                                     LILA
                         You do?

                                     NATHAN
                         Yes, and...

                                     LILA
                         You really enjoy my company?

                                     NATHAN
                         Yes.
                              (beat, blurting)
                         Please don't talk with food in your 
                         mouth, Lila. Please. You're so pretty 
                         and it only mars your... I'm sorry. 
                         I'm being critical.

               Nathan pounds his forehead with his fist. Lila waves her 
               hand to indicate that it's fine. She doesn't say anything 
               because she's chewing.

                                     NATHAN
                         It's just that I have some 
                         peculiarities, and...

                                     LILA
                         I like you, too, Nathan.

                                     NATHAN
                         You do?

                                     LILA
                         Yeah
                              (beat)
                         But I have some peculiarities also.

                                     NATHAN
                              (happily)
                         I don't care. I don't care!
                              (then, concerned)
                         Like what, for example?

               Lila takes a deep breath, about to go into it, thinks better 
               of it.

                                     LILA
                         Like nothing.

               Nathan smiles, relieved. Lila smiles back. Nathan recoils 
               slightly, skittishly half-points to his bared teeth.

               Apparently there's a piece of food stuck in Lila's teeth.

               She closes her mouth, runs her tongue over her teeth, smiles 
               again, mouth closed.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. ELECTROLOGIST'S OFFICE -DAY

               Rose is doing Lila's feet.

                                     ROSE
                         My brother says things are going 
                         really well between you and Nathan.

                                     LILA
                         I cannot believe how in love I am 
                         with this man.

                                     ROSE
                         Yeah?

                                     LILA
                         He's so cute. I even like his cute 
                         little penis. It's like a little 
                         pig's penis or something.
                              (beat)
                         Rose, we connect on every level. 
                         I've finally found someone I can 
                         feel completely safe with.

                                     ROSE
                         Don't throw that away. I had that 
                         once with a guy. But I threw it away 
                         for a cheap thrill.

                                     LILA
                         One night stand?

                                     ROSE
                         No. I married a midget.

                                     LILA
                         Marrying a midget was a cheap thrill?

                                     ROSE
                         Well he wasn't really a midget. He 
                         was on the cusp of midgethood. That's 
                         what made it cheap. Had he been an 
                         actual midget, there would've been 
                         nothing cheap about it, my dear.

                                     LILA
                         I didn't know you were into that 
                         sort of thing.

                                     ROSE
                         Let me tell you, honey, midgets are 
                         the best kept secret in male 
                         companionship. They're portable. 
                         They're controllable. They're eager. 
                         And they're exactly the right height 
                         for a little covert oral fun on the 
                         dance floor.

                                     LILA
                              (screams with delight, 
                              then:)
                         I have a friend you might like to 
                         meet.

                                     ROSE
                         Oh?

                                     LILA
                         Three foot one.

                                     ROSE
                         Be still my crotch.

                                     LILA
                         Rose, Nathan's no midget, but he's 
                         asked me to move in with him.

                                     ROSE
                         Yeah. My brother told me.

                                     LILA
                         And I think I'm going to.

                                     ROSE
                              (mulling it over)
                         Stand on a stepladder sometimes.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. WHITE SPACE - DAY

               Nathan talks.

                                     NATHAN
                         Lila moved in with me. Did I love 
                         her? I thought so. But from my new 
                         vantage point I realize that love is 
                         nothing more than a messy 
                         conglomeration of need, desperation, 
                         fear of death, insecurity about penis 
                         size, and the self-involved, ego 
                         driven need to collect other people's 
                         hearts. Not that I judge it.
                              (puts head in hands. 
                              beat. looks up)
                         Listen, I don't want to be dead yet. 
                         Is there any way to...

               Nathan looks around for some sign of another person. There 
               is nobody.

                                     NATHAN
                         No I suppose not.
                              (beat)
                         No biggie. Anyway, Lila moved in. We 
                         had our problems, but we both wanted 
                         love so badly, we turned a blind 
                         eye.

               INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

               Nathan, Lila, and Nathan's parents (looking very, very old) 
               sit at the dining room table. Salad is about to be eaten, 
               and everyone glances sideways over at Lila, waiting for her 
               to make her move. She reaches for the wrong fork, corrects 
               herself and picks the salad fork. Nathan breathes a sigh of 
               relief. His mother looks disappointed, clucks. They eat in 
               silence. Finally:

                                     LILA
                         It's lovely to finally meet you, Mr. 
                         and Mrs. Bronfman. I've heard so 
                         much about you and I've seen you in 
                         photographs from Nathan's childhood, 
                         but it's nice to meet you in the 
                         flesh. I must say, you look exactly 
                         the same as in the photographs.

                                     MOTHER
                         Thank you, dear.

                                     NATHAN
                         Actually, Mother and Father, you 
                         look very, very old. You look 
                         terrible.

                                     LILA
                         Nathan!

               His mother and father touch their faces reflexively, then 
               look at each other and laugh.

                                     MOTHER
                         Tell him, Harold.

                                     FATHER
                         Son, your mother and I are doing a 
                         production of The Gin Game at the 
                         local community theater. We forgot 
                         to take off our make-up.

               The mother and father laugh again. Then they pull at their 
               latex faces. The wrinkles come off. And they look exactly as 
               they did in the flashback scene, albeit a bit pink-faced.

               There is another pause.

                                     LILA
                              (awkward)
                         Goodness, you two look exactly as 
                         you did in those old photos.

                                     MOTHER
                              (cold)
                         Yes, so you mentioned earlier, dear.

                                     NATHAN
                              (changing the subject)
                         Lila's a nature writer, mother.

                                     MOTHER
                         I love nature. As long as it stays 
                         in the zoo where it belongs.

               The father and Nathan laugh at mother's joke. Lila joins in 
               weakly, against her better judgment.

                                     MOTHER
                              (to Lila)
                         Don't you agree, dear?

               Lila hesitates.

                                     NATHAN
                         Of course she does, mother.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. NATHAN AND LILA'S BEDROOM - LATER

               Nathan is in bed, in starched pajamas. He lies on his back 
               under perfect covers and stares straight up at the ceiling.

                                     NATHAN
                         What are you doing in there?

                                     LILA (O.S.)
                              (pissy)
                         I'll be out in a minute.

                                     NATHAN
                         I'm sorry about my parents.

                                     LILA (O.S.)
                         You didn't seem sorry when you were 
                         laughing at all your mother's stupid, 
                         tasteless, cruel animal jokes.

                                     NATHAN
                         I was simply attempting to keep the 
                         evening light. You know that I feel 
                         similarly to you about nature.

                                     LILA (O.S.)
                         Do you?

                                     NATHAN
                         Of course.
                              (beat)
                         I simply love the... naturalness of 
                         it all.

               Lila emerges from the bathroom, radiant, hopeful.

                                     LILA
                         Do you? Oh do you, darling?

                                     NATHAN
                         Why certainly!

               Lila happily leaps into bed. She smothers Nathan with kisses.

                                     LILA
                         Oh, darling. I'm so relieved. Let's 
                         celebrate with a long hike in the 
                         woods tomorrow!

                                     NATHAN
                              (oh shit)
                         That's a great idea.

               Nathan kisses her.

                                     LILA
                         It'll be wonderful! I'll show you my 
                         old stomping grounds!

                                     NATHAN
                         Terrific. Can't wait!

               Nathan kisses her ear. He looks confused, sticks his finger 
               behind her ear, and pulls it out with a dab of shaving cream 
               on it.

                                     NATHAN
                         Shaving cream?

                                     LILA
                         I don't think so.
                              (beat)
                         Why?

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. CAR - MORNING

               Nathan drives. He's dressed in spanking new, freshly starched 
               safari clothes, big shiny new hiking boots. Lila sits in the 
               front passenger seat. She is dressed in a costume identical 
               to Nathan's, but, as opposed to Nathan, she seems awkward in 
               it. She fidgets in it, straightens it, sighs, comes to terms 
               with it, and looks dreamily out the window at the passing 
               trees. She is home. That's all that matters.

                                     NATHAN
                         Darling, did you bring the insect 
                         repellent lotion?

                                     LILA
                         Yes, darling.

                                     NATHAN
                              (beat)
                         Oh, and the sun block?

                                     LILA
                         Of course.

                                     NATHAN
                         What SPF, sweetie?

                                     LILA
                         Fifteen.

                                     NATHAN
                         Perfectomundo! We are ready!
                              (beat)
                         Say, wouldn't it be wonderful to 
                         have an insect repellent lotion that 
                         also worked as a sun block? Think of 
                         all the time one would save.

                                     LILA
                         Yes, darling.

                                     NATHAN
                         I think I'll get Johannsen in 
                         chemistry on that.
                              (beat)
                         Oh! Did you bring the first aid kit?

                                     LILA
                         Yes.

                                     NATHAN
                         Flares?

                                     LILA
                         Absolutely.

                                     NATHAN
                         We could call it "Quit Bugging Me, 
                         Sunny."
                              (laughs a lot)
                         Get it? Sunny. S-u-n-n-y.

                                     LILA
                              (laughs appreciatively)
                         That's very funny.

                                     NATHAN
                         I love you so much.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY

               Puff testifies.

                                     PUFF
                         Then, gentlemen, one day I saw 
                         something I hadn't seen since my 
                         father died in a freak accident 
                         involving a rotted log and four 
                         thousand bees stinging his head... I 
                         saw other human beings. They chattered 
                         away at each other in what appeared 
                         to be gibberish. Later I learned it 
                         was English. Now I wonder if perhaps 
                         my initial assessment hadn't been 
                         correct.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               EXT. FOREST - DAY

               Puff's POV: Through some brush we watch Nathan and Lila 
               hiking. We hear Puff's loud heavy breathing and, in the 
               distance, the relentless gibberish chatter of Nathan and 
               Lila. Puff moves. Lila glances over.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT

               Lila talks.

                                     LILA
                         It was a flash of white. I ruled out 
                         deer immediately. Too... upright.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. FOREST - DAY

               We're with Lila and Nathan now. Lila has stopped and is 
               peering into the distance.

                                     LILA
                         Did you see that?

                                     NATHAN
                         What?

                                     LILA
                         I don't know. Something.

                                     NATHAN
                         A deer?

                                     LILA
                         No. Too... upright. Might've been a 
                         person.

                                     NATHAN
                              (nervously)
                         It might behoove us to turn back at 
                         this point.

               Lila walks in the direction of the sighting.

                                     LILA
                         Come on.

                                     NATHAN
                              (not budging)
                         If it's a person, why should we go 
                         see it? It's not like it's nature or 
                         anything. It's just a person.
                              (beat)
                         Sometimes people who live in the 
                         woods don't want to be seen. They 
                         live in the woods because they're 
                         anti-social, Lila. We have to respect 
                         that.

               Lila trudges through the brush. Nathan follows. Better than 
               being left behind.

                                     NATHAN
                         This is the way to get ticks, Lila. 
                         This is it. Bingo! Lyme Disease! 
                         You've hit the nail on the head here.

               Lila is in her element. Her whole demeanor has changed.

               She is tracking. She sniffs the breeze, cocks her head, moves 
               stealthily. Then she sheds her clothes, almost shaking them 
               off, like a dog shaking off some cute costume his owner had 
               dressed him in.

                                     NATHAN
                         Oh for God's sa...

               Lila turns her head and glares at Nathan. There is an animal 
               fierceness in her eye that shuts him up instantly.

               She turns back to pursue her prey.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY

               Puff testifies.

                                     PUFF
                         I had never seen anything like it.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               EXT. FOREST - DAY

               Puff's POV: We see a naked Lila looking in our general 
               direction, but not seeing us. The sun dapples her body.

               She moves closer and closer.

                                     PUFF (V.O.)
                         It was an ape as I had never seen 
                         before. Like me, yet different in 
                         certain essential details. And all 
                         at once I felt a heat pass through 
                         me. My heart raced. Gentlemen, I 
                         wanted to touch her, to caress her, 
                         to be one with her. I had urges and 
                         desires I could not explain. I felt 
                         overwhelmed by the power this strange 
                         creature had over me, and so I did 
                         what any animal would do when it 
                         comes across an animal of superior 
                         strength...

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT

               The cops are transfixed.

                                     LILA
                         He bolted.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. FOREST - DAY

               We are with Lila. She creeps along, when suddenly a tan, 
               muscular figure tears out from behind a tree and runs, 
               practically on all fours, through the dense underbrush.

               Lila follows, almost as agile as the forest creature.

               Nathan just stands there. The chase continues. There is a 
               great deal of heaving and panting. Puff shimmies up a large 
               tree. Lila follows. Puff leaps from branch to branch.

               Lila follows easily. Puff swings from a vine. So does Lila. 
               Finally they come to the end of the trees, a clearing. There 
               is no nowhere for Puff to leap. Lila is with him in the tree. 
               They are crouched, bloody, heaving, on separate branches, 
               staring at each other. After a long moment, Lila speaks.

                                     LILA
                         Who are you?

               Puff cocks his head. The high timbre of her voice surprises 
               him, pleases him, but he doesn't understand the words.

                                     LILA
                         You don't understand my language, do 
                         you?

               Puff looks at his crotch. Apparently there is some activity 
               down there. Lila, following his eyes, glances down there 
               also.

                                     LILA
                              (laughing)
                         I take it back, you do understand my 
                         language.

               Puff grabs for his crotch and begins to play with himself 
               distractedly, looking at her all the while. He falls out of 
               the tree. Lila gasps. Branches crack and snap as he passes 
               through them and then there is an unpleasant thud when he 
               hits the forest floor. Lila shimmies down the tree, and kneels 
               by Puff. He is unconscious.

                                     LILA
                         Oh God.

               Nathan comes limping through the brush. Somehow his safari 
               suit and boots are as clean and pressed as they were in the 
               car. He is carrying Lila's clothes. Somehow he has had time 
               to neatly fold them.

                                     NATHAN
                         Oh my God! Is he dead? Please put 
                         something on.

               Lila looks up at icily at Nathan.

                                     NATHAN
                         You'll catch cold. It's cold.
                              (beat)
                         What do you suppose he is, a 
                         survivalist?

                                     LILA
                         I think he's feral.

                                     NATHAN
                              (jumping back)
                         Feral? Don't touch him! He might be 
                         diseased! He might... My God, rabies!

                                     LILA
                         He looks perfectly fine.

                                     NATHAN
                         I think we should go. Please. Before 
                         he wakes up and, I don't know, eats 
                         us, or whatever feral things do.

                                     LILA
                         I don't understand you. This is 
                         fascinating and you just want to run 
                         away. I mean, here we have a human 
                         being totally uncontaminated by 
                         civilization, totally free, and all 
                         you want to do is run back to your...

                                     NATHAN
                              (thinking)
                         Actually, I just had an amusing 
                         thought.

                                     LILA
                         What?

                                     NATHAN
                              (musing)
                         Feral, huh? Totally uncontaminated?

                                     LILA
                         Look at him. He doesn't understand 
                         English. He moves like an animal.

                                     NATHAN
                         It's perfect!

                                     LILA
                         Nathan, what the hell are you talking 
                         about?

                                     NATHAN
                              (doing a little dance)
                         Forget mice! Actually forget guinea 
                         pigs, cats, monkeys, and chimps also. 
                         I'm on to stage five: The human 
                         subject.

                                     LILA
                         Oh no. You can't take him from his 
                         home, Nathan.

                                     NATHAN
                              (ranting)
                         Don't you see? He's my Tabula Rasa, 
                         my Eliza Dolittle. He's my ticket to 
                         the top of the Behaviorist food chain. 
                         He's going to make me famous.

                                     LILA
                         I won't allow you. It's wrong. He's 
                         happy here.

                                     NATHAN
                         Is he, Lila? Is he happy living filthy 
                         and naked alone in this tick infested 
                         wilderness? Never to know the love 
                         of a good woman, never to revel in 
                         the pitter-patter of little feet, 
                         never to read Moby Dick, or marvel 
                         at a Monet, or just sit back after a 
                         day of hard but rewarding work, smoke 
                         a pipe, and wonder about the nature 
                         of reality.

                                     LILA
                              (weakening resolve)
                         You'd be taking away his freedom, 
                         Nathan.

                                     NATHAN
                         Freedom's just another word for 
                         nothing left to lose, Lila, to quote 
                         Janet Jackson.

               Lila looks off into the distance, her eyes brimming with 
               tears. As Nathan continues his speech, we move closer and 
               closer into Lila's eyes. Nathan's voice fades into nothing 
               by the time we dissolve.

                                     NATHAN
                         Belonging to something, a person or 
                         a society, is a basic human craving. 
                         We are communal creatures. This poor 
                         soul has no one, nothing...

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               EXT. CLIFF - SUNSET

               A naked, very hairy Lila sits by herself on the cliff and 
               watches the sunset. There's a chill in the air and she shivers 
               and hugs herself.

                                     LILA
                         Oh God, I have no one. Nothing. You 
                         give me this beautiful gift, this 
                         glorious sunset. But with no one to 
                         say "isn't that a beautiful sunset" 
                         to, it becomes meaningless, just 
                         another stupid sunset. They happen 
                         everyday. So what?

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               EXT. FOREST - DAY

               Lila is hovering over the unconscious Puff. Nathan's voice 
               comes back into focus. He is still speechifying.

                                     NATHAN
                         ...what is it that makes us human, 
                         if not the knowledge that we are 
                         indeed human? Think of this poor 
                         soul's education as the greatest 
                         gift we could bestow upon...

                                     LILA
                         All right.

                                     NATHAN
                         Great. Grab his feet. We'll throw 
                         him in the trunk.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LAB - DAY

               Nathan hovers over the Lucite case with the tiny dinner table 
               in it. His assistant, Gabrielle, presses a button, a door 
               opens, and two white mice scurry in. The male pulls out a 
               chair for the female. The female climbs up on the chair, and 
               the male pushes the chair in, then scurries around to the 
               other side of the table and climbs onto his own chair. The 
               Lucite lid over the silverware and salads lifts and both 
               mice pick up the proper forks and begin eating. Nathan 
               scribbles in his notebook.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Doctor...

               Nathan looks up. Gabrielle jerks her head in the direction 
               of a very large Lucite case. Inside, Puff, now dressed in a 
               diaper and connected to all sorts of electrodes, is stirring. 
               Nathan and Gabrielle hurry over.

                                     NATHAN
                         Good morning.

               Puff groggily takes in his surroundings. This is quite a lot 
               to take in. The white room, the strange apes in strange suits, 
               his own clothing, the wires. After surveying the scene for a 
               moment, Puff becomes frightened and agitated.

               He tries to escape. Not understanding Lucite, he smashes 
               into it, again and again. He tears at his diaper. Nathan 
               gives a nod to Gabrielle, who presses a button on a panel.

               An electric shock sends Puff flying. He lies on the floor 
               confused and dazed. After a moment, he gets up and again 
               crashes into the Lucite. Nathan gives the signal to Gabrielle 
               and once again she shocks Puff. He once again gets up and 
               crashes against the Lucite. Again he is shocked. He gets up 
               again, and is about to crash against the Lucite, but he thinks 
               better of it, and squats in place, immobilized.

                                     NATHAN
                              (to Gabrielle)
                         Only three shocks. A chimp takes 
                         fifteen. This is going to be tres 
                         simple, no, Gabrielle?

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (in love with Nathan)
                         Oui, doctor, oui.

                                     NATHAN
                              (to Puff)
                         Good morning...
                              (to Gabrielle)
                         We need a name for him, don't we?

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Oui.

                                     NATHAN
                         You decide. Today is your day.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Really? My day? Well, I had a sweet 
                         little mongrel puppie named Puff 
                         when I was a girl. This one reminds 
                         me of my dog, all shaggy! So cute!
                              (giggles girlishly)
                         I loved my doggie very much, monsieur.

                                     NATHAN
                              (charmed)
                         Puff it is then. Puff Bronfman. Is 
                         that okay?

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Oui. Perfect!

                                     NATHAN
                              (to Puff)
                         Good morning, Puff Bronfman. I'm Dr. 
                         Bronfman and this is my assistant 
                         Gabrielle. We're your mommy and daddy 
                         while you are here.

               Gabrielle likes this concept a great deal. She smiles and 
               moves closer to Nathan.

                                     NATHAN
                              (to Puff)
                         How about some salad, son?

               Gabrielle poises her finger above the button. She winks at 
               Nathan. He blushes.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. PARKING LOT - EVENING

               Nathan, carrying a brief case, is walking to his car.

               Gabrielle hurries to catch up to him. Her high heels click 
               on the pavement.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Dr. Bronfman! Dr. Bronfman!

               Nathan turns.

                                     NATHAN
                         Oh, Hi, Gabrielle.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (out of breath)
                         Hi. I just wanted to tell you that I 
                         very much enjoy working with you.
                              (blushes)
                         Now I'm embarrassed that I say this.

               They walk along.

                                     NATHAN
                         No. Don't be. I really enjoy hearing 
                         that. You're a terrific assistant.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Merci. I... Do you... would you like 
                         to go get a cup of coffee, perhaps?

                                     NATHAN
                         Well, I don't know. I'm actually on 
                         my way to...

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Now I am truly embarrassed. Forgive 
                         me. I should not have asked such a 
                         stupid question. I know you are a 
                         very important man and...

                                     NATHAN
                         No. Don't be silly. It's just...

                                     GABRIELLE
                         I am a foolish little thing. I am 
                         pink in my face, no? It is only that 
                         I have been so lonely lately and... 
                         I am ashamed. I'll see you tomorrow, 
                         okay? Unless... Am I fired now?

               Gabrielle pouts. Nathan is charmed.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. COFFEE SHOP - EVENING

               Nathan and Gabrielle sit at a romantic little table in a 
               trendy coffee shop.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Thank you so much for accompanying 
                         me.

                                     NATHAN
                         Not at all.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         I have had such a difficult time in 
                         my personal life and you seem to be 
                         such a nice man... but I'm talking 
                         too much again, no?

                                     NATHAN
                         Of course not.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         You're so sweet. Oh, why are there 
                         not more men out there like you?

               Gabrielle starts to cry softly. Nathan doesn't know what to 
               do. His eyes dart around, then:

                                     NATHAN
                         There there.

               Gabrielle looks up at him appreciatively. She sniffs.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         You know just the right thing to 
                         say.

               She reaches across the table and touches his hand lightly 
               for a moment.

                                     NATHAN
                         Listen, you're the best assistant 
                         I've ever had... Gabrielle.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (smiles)
                         I like it when you say my name. Is 
                         that stupid?

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. NATHAN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

               Nathan, in his pajamas, lies in bed reading. He looks up.

                                     NATHAN
                         What are you doing in there?

                                     LILA (O.S.)
                         Nothing. Be right out.

               The phone rings. Nathan picks it up.

                                     NATHAN
                         Hello?
                              (beat, happily)
                         Oh, hi... Gabrielle!

               Nathan sits up in bed.

                                     LILA (O.S.)
                         Who is it?

                                     NATHAN
                         Uh-huh. Right, Gabrielle. Right.

               Nathan laughs.

                                     LILA (O.S.)
                         Who is it?

                                     NATHAN
                              (into phone)
                         Absolutely, Gabrielle.
                              (covering phone, 
                              testily)
                         Someone from work!
                              (into phone)
                         Sorry about that, Gabrielle. Uh-huh. 
                         Exactly.

               Nathan laughs.

                                     LILA (O.S.)
                         Who from work?

                                     NATHAN
                              (into phone)
                         Excuse me one second, would you, 
                         Gabrielle?

               Nathan puts down the phone and heads to the bathroom.

                                     LILA (O.S.)
                         Who is it, Nathan?

               Nathan opens the bathroom door.

                                     NATHAN
                         Look, Lila, when I'm on a work...

               Lila turns with a gasp. She has shaving cream all over her 
               chest. Nathan looks stunned. He backs away.

                                     LILA
                         Nathan, I...

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. GABRIELLE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

               The lights are low. The room is peppered with lit candles.

               Gabrielle, in a slip, lies on her bed, eating cherries from 
               a bowl, and listening to Nathan and Lila's conversation on 
               speaker.

                                     LILA (O.S.)
                         It's hormonal, Nathan. I can't help 
                         it. I'm sorry.

                                     NATHAN (O.S.)
                         Your entire body?

                                     LILA (O.S.)
                         I'm getting electrolysis. It's 
                         working, but it takes time. So 
                         meanwhile I have to...

                                     NATHAN (O.S.)
                         You have to shave? Like an ape?

                                     LILA (O.S.)
                              (crying)
                         Apes don't shave, you son of a bitch!

                                     NATHAN (O.S.)
                         Don't quibble. You know what I mean.

                                     LILA (O.S.)
                         I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me 
                         for this.

                                     NATHAN (O.S.)
                         Mad? I'm I'm... disgusted!

                                     LILA (O.S.)
                         I'm the same person I was before you 
                         knew, damn it! Oh God!

                                     NATHAN (O.S.)
                         I have to think! I have to think!

               Footsteps and a door slam. Lila is near the phone now and 
               crying in desperate heaves.

                                     LILA (O.S.)
                         Oh God, why... do... I... have... 
                         to... be... like... Oh, no! Oh, shit!
                              (rustling sound, then 
                              into phone)
                         Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Who's 
                         there?

               Gabrielle calmly pops another cherry in her mouth and hangs 
               up the phone.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. CAR - NIGHT

               Nathan, in his pajamas, drives. His face is set in a furious 
               scowl and he drives fast.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. ANOTHER CAR - NIGHT

               Gabrielle drives leisurely. She is calm, a slight smile on 
               her face.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LAB - NIGHT

               Nathan paces in front of Puff's Lucite case. Puff watches 
               suspiciously from the corner where he is huddled. The lights 
               are off. But there is a green glow from a couple of exit 
               signs.

                                     NATHAN
                         I don't get it. I don't get it. I 
                         don't get it. How could I find myself 
                         in this mess? This is a mess. This 
                         is not a situation I understand. 
                         This is a mess. How do I extricate 
                         myself from this mess? Is my 
                         girlfriend a man? I don't understand. 
                         This is not part of any plan. She 
                         deceived me. She has hair.
                              (beat)
                         But am I being fair? So what if she 
                         has hair? Who am I to judge? I have 
                         hair.
                              (beat)
                         But I'm supposed to have hair. I am 
                         a man. Men are supposed to have hair.
                              (beat)
                         But poor Lila. Think of what she's 
                         had to go through. The courage she's 
                         had to have in the face of this 
                         abomination of nature. I should love 
                         her all the more. I should love every 
                         hair on her body. I mean, she doesn't 
                         mind that I have a mortifyingly 
                         small...

               The lights flick on. Nathan turns with a start. It's 
               Gabrielle. She's in an overcoat. She gasps.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Oh, Doctor. I did not know. I'm sorry 
                         to disturb you. I just came for some 
                         papers I left.

                                     NATHAN
                         Gabrielle. No, I'm sorry if I startled 
                         you. I came to think.
                              (beat, remembering)
                         God, Did I hang up on you?

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Oui. Perhaps I called at a bad time. 
                         I am sorry.

                                     NATHAN
                         No. I just got distracted. I'm so 
                         sorry.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Is everything fine?

                                     NATHAN
                         Oui.
                              (laughs)
                         Now you've got me talking French.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (laughs)
                         I was in my p.j.'s when I remembered 
                         I left some papers I need to go over.
                              (opens overcoat to 
                              reveal lingerie)
                         See? I rushed right out of the house.
                         I must look a mess. I'm so 
                         embarrassed.

                                     NATHAN
                              (taken)
                         I'm in my p.j.'s, too. Funny, huh?

               Puff is taken also. His eyes are wide.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Coincidence, yes?
                              (beat)
                         And how is our son?

                                     NATHAN
                         Our...? Oh!
                              (laughs, out of control)
                         He seems fine. I guess we woke him. 
                         The lights and all.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         I should turn them off.
                              (she does)
                         Maybe I sing him a lullaby my mama 
                         sang to me when I was a little girl.

                                     NATHAN
                              (a little giddy)
                         When you were a little French girl?

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Oui.

                                     NATHAN
                              (back in control)
                         That would be good.

               Gabrielle kneels by Puff's case. Puff crawls over, tries to 
               touch her through the Lucite. Gabrielle sings a French 
               lullaby. It's very sweet. Nathan watches her, looks at her 
               thigh, her hair, the delicate way the tip of her nose moves 
               when she sings. Puff gets drowsy. He curls up on the floor 
               and sleeps.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (quietly to Nathan)
                         There.

               Nathan stares at her, transfixed. She pretends not to notice.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Shall we close up, then?

                                     NATHAN
                         Maybe we should just sit for a while. 
                         It's very peaceful.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         It's nice, yes. I'm glad I ran into 
                         you, both in our silly pajamas. It 
                         is two happy coincidences, no?

                                     NATHAN
                         Yes. Happy happy.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Yet you look so sad. A great man 
                         like you should not be sad.

                                     NATHAN
                         I'm fine. Life is funny, that's all.

               Gabrielle stands. She stretches languorously, revealing a 
               lot of leg.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         I am sleepy.

                                     NATHAN
                         I shouldn't say this, but you're 
                         pretty, Gabrielle. It's 
                         unprofessional, I know.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Really? I always think myself so 
                         ugly. No, not ugly, but plain. A 
                         wallflower.

                                     NATHAN
                              (buying her line)
                         Really? No. Not at all. You're a 
                         very pretty girl. You should know 
                         that. You should be confident.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Thank you so much. Merci. It's very 
                         wonderful to hear a man say such a 
                         nice compliment.

                                     NATHAN
                         It's true. I wouldn't lie.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         You are sweet.

               Gabrielle walks slowly by Nathan. He inhales deeply, breathing 
               her in. She smiles to herself. He reaches out touches her 
               leg.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (vaguely protesting)
                         Doctor.

               She moves into Nathan. She presses her thigh against his 
               shoulder. Nathan leans forward, kisses her exposed thigh.

                                     NATHAN
                         So soft. So smooth.
                              (back to reality)
                         I'm sorry. It's just...

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (soothing)
                         Shh.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT

               Lila is shaving herself all over. Shaving and weeping.

               There are nicks all over her body. She has no eyebrows any 
               more. The hair on her head is hacked off.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LAB - NIGHT

               Nathan and Gabrielle are lying naked on the floor.

               Gabrielle rests her head on Nathan's chest.

                                     NATHAN
                         Was that okay? I mean, was I able 
                         to... satisfy you?

                                     LILA
                         You are an animal.

                                     NATHAN
                         Really? Wow! That's that's terrific 
                         to hear from someone so... feminine, 
                         so female.

                                     LILA
                         I love being female because it, how 
                         do you say, allows me to be close to 
                         men.

                                     NATHAN
                         I'm glad you're female.
                              (beat)
                         Do you think our boy witnessed the 
                         primal scene?

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Anyway it's time he grew up. N'est-
                         ce pa?
                              (sighing, running her 
                              fingers along his 
                              chest)
                         I love chest hair on a man. I know 
                         it isn't fashionable now, hairy men. 
                         But to me it is the very sign of 
                         masculinity.

               Nathan tenses. Gabrielle looks up innocently at him.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         What is wrong, my darling?

                                     NATHAN
                         Nothing, my darling. All is right 
                         with the world.

               Puff watches from his case. Gabrielle smiles to herself.

               INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY

               Puff testifies.

                                     PUFF
                         I saw it, gentlemen. I saw the whole 
                         sweaty, passionate, ugly, beautiful 
                         act, and to use the vernacular, I 
                         wanted me some of that.

               The congressmen laugh appreciatively. The laughter is a little 
               too enthusiastic and goes on a little too long. It stops 
               abruptly.

                                     PUFF
                         And I think I understood from that 
                         moment, that in order to get some, I 
                         would have to do what they said. In 
                         order to experience this primal, 
                         basic, animal thing, I would first 
                         have to become a civilized, prissy, 
                         uptight human. I would have to become 
                         Nathan.

               The congressmen nod sadly, in recognition of this reality.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LAB - DAY

               Puff, in his Lucite case, sits behind a set dinner table.

               He seems attentive, calm, interested as Nathan teaches him 
               table manners. Gabrielle stands very close, almost 
               possessively close, to Nathan. She wears a lab coat, but it 
               is unbuttoned, and underneath she is wearing a skin-tight 
               black minidress. She strokes the back of Nathan's head as he 
               works with Puff.

                                     NATHAN
                              (slow. talking to an 
                              idiot)
                         Excellent, Puff. Now, the lady you're 
                         with excuses herself to go powder 
                         her nose.

               The wheels turn in Puff's head. He thinks hard. Then he 
               stands. Gabrielle shrieks and claps happily.

                                     NATHAN
                         Perfect. Perfect, Puff!

               Nathan leans over and kisses Gabrielle. Puff watches. He 
               makes an exaggerated kissy-face, pursing his lips, trying to 
               imitate Nathan. The phone rings. Gabrielle pulls herself 
               away, giggles as Nathan tries to keep her from going, and 
               picks up the phone.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (still giggling)
                         Dr. Bronfman's line. Yes. One moment 
                         please.
                              (puts it on hold)
                         Lila.

                                     NATHAN
                         Shit.
                              (takes phone)
                         Hi, honey.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LILA AND NATHAN'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

               Lila sits on the couch. Eyebrows are attractively drawn onto 
               her face. She wears a very femme blonde wing. Lots of make-
               up.

                                     LILA
                         So, how's it going today?

                                     NATHAN (O.S.)
                         Good. Making progress.

                                     LILA
                         Honey, can we talk tonight? You know, 
                         about stuff? Things have been so 
                         strained for the past three weeks, 
                         since you know, and I just want to 
                         talk.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LAB - CONTINUOUS

               Nathan, phone cradled between shoulder and ear, puts his 
               face in his hand. Gabrielle rests a hand on his shoulder.

                                     NATHAN
                         Everything's fine, honey. We don't 
                         need to talk. Besides I have to work 
                         late.

                                     LILA (O.S.)
                         Please, Nathan. I really need this. 
                         You've been working late a lot.

               Nathan looks up helplessly at Gabrielle.

                                     NATHAN
                         Okay, we'll have dinner tonight.

               Gabrielle gets mad, exhales sharply, pulls her hand away.

               Nathan gives her a pleading look, grabs for her. She moves 
               away.

                                     NATHAN
                         Yeah. Okay. Be home around seven. 
                         Bye.
                              (hangs up)
                         What? I'm sorry. What was I supposed 
                         to do?

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (disgusted)
                         I don't know, Nathan. What are you 
                         supposed to do?

                                     NATHAN
                         You don't abandon somebody because 
                         they have a physical problem.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Funny. I thought that's exactly what 
                         you did. You just don't have the 
                         courage to admit it to yourself.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. WHITE SPACE - DAY

               Nathan talks. A tear runs down his face, mingles with the 
               blood.

                                     NATHAN
                         Funny. I still feel guilt. Even dead. 
                         One would've hoped... But alas. You 
                         know, I really did love Lila. But 
                         with her... problem... and then when 
                         Gabrielle revealed her feelings. And 
                         Gabrielle was so... conventionally 
                         female. And she had an accent. I was 
                         lost from that moment on. But 
                         Gabrielle was right. I couldn't admit 
                         it to myself, this shallowness of 
                         character, let alone to Lila.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

               Lila and Nathan eat. Lila is in her new, very feminine make-
               up, wig, and dress. Her table manners are impeccable, almost 
               robotic. There is an awkward silence

                                     LILA
                         Are you seeing somebody else, Nathan? 
                         I just have to know.

                                     NATHAN
                         Of course not.

                                     LILA
                         It would just be helpful to know.

                                     NATHAN
                         No.

                                     LILA
                         Because, you know, you seem so 
                         distant. And you work late every 
                         night. And we hardly ever have sex, 
                         and when we do, it's... I don't know. 
                         It feels different.

                                     NATHAN
                         I'm just preoccupied.

                                     LILA
                         Do you like my new look?

                                     NATHAN
                         Yeah. It's nice. It's really good.

                                     LILA
                         I'm trying, you know.
                              (starting to cry)
                         I'm trying to be what you want. I 
                         want to be what you want, Nathan. 
                         All I want is to be what you want.

                                     NATHAN
                              (embarrassed)
                         Shh. It's okay.
                              (takes her hand)
                         It's okay, Lila. You're what I want. 
                         You know that. You're exactly what I 
                         want.

                                     LILA
                              (hopefully, sniffing)
                         Really?

                                     NATHAN
                         Sure. Of course.

                                     LILA
                         Because I'm really trying, you know. 
                         Rosie says maybe only another two 
                         years of the elctrolysis.

                                     NATHAN
                              (hard to stomach)
                         That's great.

                                     LILA
                         I've signed up for a ballet class. 
                         And look at my nails! A real girl!

               Lila holds out her hands. Her finger nails are polished fire 
               engine red.

                                     NATHAN
                         That's great. It's a great color for 
                         you.

                                     LILA
                         Oh, Nathan, let's have a baby!

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. NURSERY - DAY

               Lila holds and rocks a swaddled baby. She passes it to Nathan, 
               who looks at it and sees that it's a baby monkey.

               Nathan shudders. Lila looks on lovingly, oblivious.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE - DAY

               Nathan sits with his head in his hands. Wendall listens 
               attentively.

                                     NATHAN
                         So anyway, that's the nightmare I've 
                         been having lately.

                                     WENDALL
                         Do you suppose it has anything to do 
                         with Lila's unusually hairy body?

                                     NATHAN
                              (beat)
                         No, why?

                                     WENDALL
                         Well, it seems that since Lila 
                         broached the subject of children, 
                         you've been on edge and I know you 
                         have an issue with the, uh, body 
                         hair.

                                     NATHAN
                              (revelation)
                         Oh, I see. Yes, that's something to 
                         think about. That's very good. That's 
                         what you get the big bucks, right? 
                         Ha ha.

                                     WENDALL
                         I just think it might be important 
                         to explore your feelings for Lila.

                                     NATHAN
                         I love Lila. I mean, she's a wonderful 
                         person. And... she loves me! That's 
                         no small potatoes. I mean she really 
                         loves me. She's sacrificed so much 
                         to be in this relationship with me. 
                         And she's a good person. A truly 
                         good person. How rare is that in 
                         this world, eh? And how could I stop 
                         loving somebody because of a little 
                         physical imperfection, if it can 
                         even be called that. I mean, God 
                         knows I'm not perfect! What about my 
                         eyesight? It's lousy, that's what! 
                         Lila's not going to leave me because 
                         of my eyesight. What about my penis?

                                     WENDALL
                         And how do you feel about Gabrielle?

               Nathan puts his head in his hands and sighs.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LAB - DAY

               Nathan is holding flash cards up to Puff. Puff tentatively 
               reads aloud from the cards. Gabrielle sits nearby on a stool, 
               fish-netted legs crossed, arms crossed, and an angry 
               expression on her face.

                                     PUFF
                         Good-eve-n-ing-lay-dees-and-gent-
                         elmen.

                                     NATHAN
                         Bravo, Puff! Bravo!

               Puff smiles happily. Nathan and Puff both look over at 
               Gabrielle for her approval. None is forthcoming.

                                     NATHAN
                         Isn't Puff doing spectacularly, honey?

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Hmmmph.

                                     NATHAN
                         Gabby, what is it?

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Hmmph. Hmmph.
                              (beat)
                         Nathan, we have to talk, you and I.

                                     NATHAN
                         Fine.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Not in front of the boy.

                                     NATHAN
                         Very well.

               Gabrielle stands, turns, and stomps across the room. Nathan 
               follows her angry, switching hips with his eyes, as does 
               Puff. She exits into the hall. Nathan looks at Puff and 
               shrugs. Puff returns the shrug. Nathan follows Gabrielle 
               into the hall.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. HALL - CONTINUOUS

               Gabrielle stands there waiting, a troubled look on her face, 
               her eyes brimming. Nathan emerges, tries to embrace her.

                                     NATHAN
                         My little French.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (pushing him away)
                         Stop. Get away.

                                     NATHAN
                         What is it?

                                     GABRIELLE
                         You have to choose Nathan. It's like 
                         Sophie's choice. Only it is Nathan's 
                         choice. Did you ever see that movie, 
                         Sophie's Choice? It is like that. 
                         Only it is this.

                                     NATHAN
                         Gabby, you know I'm trying to sort 
                         things out.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (hard)
                         No! It is now that you must decide.
                              (soft)
                         I love you, Doctor Nathan...
                              (hard)
                         ...but I will not wait. I will not 
                         be your chippy. I will not be your 
                         little Mademoiselle Parlez-vous side 
                         dish.
                              (soft)
                         My love. I want to have a sweet tiny 
                         baby inside my belly... from you.

               Nathan gets a faraway look in his eyes.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               EXT. BEACH - DAY

               Nathan and Gabrielle sit on a blanket on this otherwise empty 
               beach. There is a light breeze. Gabrielle has one of her 
               breasts exposed and is nursing an infant. Nathan looks at 
               the baby's face. It is angelic. He looks up and smiles at 
               Gabrielle. She smiles back. They kiss.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. HALL - DAY

               Nathan snaps out of his reverie, looks pleadingly at the 
               waiting Gabrielle.

                                     NATHAN
                         I love you so much, Gabrielle.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         But?... But? There is a "but," Nathan.

                                     NATHAN
                         But I don't know how to leave Lila.

               Gabrielle tears off her lab coat. Underneath she is wearing 
               practically nothing, a skimpy black dress. She throws the 
               lab coat at Nathan, turns and storms down the hall. Nathan 
               watches until she disappears around the corner.

                                     NATHAN
                              (quietly)
                         Now there's a butt, Nathan.

               He brings the lab coat up to his face and breathes in her 
               fragrance.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LILA AND NATHAN'S - NIGHT

               Lila, all prettied up and civilized and manicured, is setting 
               the table for dinner. She is humming. Nathan walks in the 
               door. Lila doesn't hear him. He stands in the doorway for a 
               moment, watching Lila from behind. His face is blank. Lila 
               catches sight of him. She's startled.

                                     LILA
                         Oh!
                              (laughs)
                         I didn't see you there, sneaky boy!
                              (runs over and kisses 
                              him)
                         You're like a boy sneaking in...

                                     NATHAN
                              (so bored)
                         ...the back door of a movie theater. 
                         Yes, indeed.

                                     LILA
                         You remember that from my book? I'm 
                         touched!
                              (kisses him again)
                         What's wrong?

                                     NATHAN
                         Nothing. Hard day. Gonna have a drink.

                                     LILA
                         I'll make it.
                              (beats him to the 
                              portable bar)
                         I'm so happy, Nathan! Everything's 
                         going to be so great! Scotch on the 
                         rocks, right?
                              (giggles)
                         Just kidding. I know what you drink, 
                         mister. I know what you drink.
                              (pours and blends and 
                              shakes, etc.)
                         Voila!

               Lila hands Nathan a frothy pink concoction with a pineapple 
               wedge sticking out of it.

                                     NATHAN
                         Thanks.

               Nathan stares contemplatively out the window and sips his 
               drink. Lila watches him, comes up behind him, puts her arms 
               around him. Nathan cringes, but tries to cover it. Lila feels 
               the cringe, but pretends not to have. She keeps her arms 
               around him for a moment longer, then casually removes them.

                                     LILA
                              (fishing)
                         How's work?

                                     NATHAN
                         Cruddy, okay? Are you satisfied?

                                     LILA
                              (pouty)
                         No. I don't want your work to be 
                         cruddy.

                                     NATHAN
                         My assistant quit today. Okay? He 
                         was highly valuable to the project.

                                     LILA
                         Oh, baby. I'm sorry. Can't you hire 
                         somebody else?

                                     NATHAN
                         I guess.

               Lila screws up her face in concentration, trying to come 
               with a viable solution to Nathan's problem.

                                     LILA
                         Hey! I could come work for you! I 
                         know I haven't been all that 
                         supportive of this project, but I've 
                         come around.

                                     NATHAN
                         Have you?

                                     LILA
                         Oh yes, baby! I think that this is a 
                         wonderful project you're doing, taking 
                         this poor unfortunate, uncivilized 
                         creature and turning him into a human 
                         being! What a wonderful wonderful 
                         compassionate man you are!

                                     NATHAN
                         Really?

                                     LILA
                         Yes! And I want to help. You won't 
                         have to pay me, and I was thinking 
                         of giving up that crazy nature writing 
                         anyway.

                                     NATHAN
                         How come?

                                     LILA
                         Who needs it? I have you and I have 
                         being a woman and I have thinking 
                         about womanly things! I love being a 
                         woman because...

                                     NATHAN
                         Such as what womanly things?

                                     LILA
                         Such as my man and how to please 
                         him!
                              (kisses him)
                         Such as making wonderful dinners for 
                         my man!
                              (kisses him again, 
                              leads him to the 
                              table, sits him down)
                         Such as looking pretty for my man!
                              (kisses him again)
                         And I'm writing an article on quilting 
                         for the Ladies Home Journal!

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT

                                     LILA
                         I had sold my fucking soul.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. WHITE SPACE - DAY

                                     NATHAN
                         I let her sell her soul. I stood by 
                         as she did it. It's inexcusable.
                              (beat)
                         At the time though I thought it might 
                         help.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY

                                     PUFF
                         When she came to work with Nathan, 
                         she seemed different, gentlemen, I 
                         don't know, somehow soulless.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LAB - DAY

               Puff is in his case in formal evening wear in a makeshift 
               opera box. There is a mannequin woman sitting next to him 
               and a boom box pumping out Beethoven's Fidelio. Puff seems 
               attentive, refined, occasionally bringing a pair of opera 
               glasses up to his eyes, pinky extended. Outside the case, 
               Nathan and Lila look on. The opera is over. Puff stands, 
               applauds, yells "Bravo", and tosses a rose in the direction 
               of the imaginary stage. The rose hits the Lucite wall and 
               falls to the floor. Nathan and Lila stand and applaud Puff.

                                     NATHAN
                         Bravo to you, Puff!

                                     LILA
                         That was wonderful!

               Puff smiles and performs a foppish bow, almost a curtsy. He 
               picks up the rose, sniffs it, dramatically savoring its scent.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LILA AND NATHAN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

               Nathan and Gabrielle are having sex. They are focused and 
               intent, although Gabrielle keeps chatting.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         You were wonderful today, darling. 
                         Such authority with the ape-man boy. 
                         It made me so hot for you.

                                     NATHAN
                         Unnhh.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         The way you are taming him, it sends 
                         chills down my girlish spine and... 
                         everywhere else, too.

                                     NATHAN
                         Urgh.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Take me, darling! Tame your little 
                         monkey of love!

               There is a mutual climax. A moment of silence, then a spent 
               Nathan rolls off onto his side of the bed. We see that it is 
               really Lila in bed with him, not Gabrielle.

                                     LILA
                              (sighing)
                         Well, I'm tamed, Dr. Bronfman.

               Nathan stares up at the ceiling.

                                     NATHAN
                         I'm glad... my assistant.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LAB - DAY

               We see a montage of interactions between Nathan, Puff, and 
               Lila.

               1) Nathan demonstrates the proper way to taste wine: sniffing 
               the cork, swishing the wine around in the glass, sipping, 
               nodding in the affirmative to the waiter. Puff, inside his 
               case, imitates it perfectly.

               2) Nathan shows Puff a flashcard which reads: "I'll start 
               tonight with the foie gras."

               3) Puff is holding up a small hand mirror and trimming nose 
               hairs. Lila applauds.

               4) Puff juggles three balls while riding a unicycle.

               5) Puff, dressed as Peter Pan, stands with legs spread and 
               hands on hips. He is singing "I Gotta Crow."

               6) Puff, dressed in an apron and chef's hat, is tossing a 
               salad. There are two types of vinegar to choose from. He 
               hesitates, then chooses the balsamic. Nathan and Lila applaud.

               7) Puff, in a smoking jacket and smoking a pipe, is sitting 
               in an easy chair, next to a fake fire and a fake sleeping 
               dog, and reading a book of poems by Yeats. Lila and Nathan, 
               outside the case, applaud and embrace.

                                     NATHAN
                         I think he's ready.

                                     LILA
                         Oh boy!

                                     PUFF
                              (jumping up)
                         Oh boy!

                                     NATHAN
                         Now, Puff, we're leaving on the 
                         electronic collar. I don't think 
                         we'll need to shock you, but just in 
                         case.

                                     PUFF
                         Okay. That's fair.

               Nathan unlocks the case. Puff tentatively steps out into the 
               world. He hugs Nathan. It's a grateful, obsequious, slightly 
               pathetic hug. Nathan hugs him back, but he's keeping him at 
               a distance. Puff pulls himself out of the hug, but still 
               rests his hands on Nathan's shoulders and looks him in the 
               eye, almost like a lover. Then he parts with Nathan and goes 
               over to embrace Lila. She graciously receives him. After a 
               moment in the embrace, Puff starts dry-humping Lila. Lila 
               can't get out of his clutches.

                                     NATHAN
                         No, Puff! Bad!

               Nathan presses a button, which shocks Puff and sends him 
               flying. Puff appears disoriented, then gets up off the floor, 
               brushes himself off, and turns to Lila with a bow of his 
               head.

                                     PUFF
                         My apologies, madam.

                                     LILA
                         It's okay, Puff.

                                     PUFF
                         Shan't happen again.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. CITY STREET - DAY

               Lila, Nathan, and Puff walk along. Puff is astounded by 
               everything he sees. He looks with wonderment at the tall 
               buildings, the cars, the many different types of people. He 
               looks like an idiot.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. FANCY RESTAURANT - DAY

               Puff, Lila, and Nathan are eating lunch. Everything is very 
               proper. Puff is doing wonderfully.

                                     NATHAN
                         This is great, Puff. You're doing 
                         fine.

                                     PUFF
                         I'm loving this. It's such a treat 
                         to be out and about. What a wonderful 
                         invention a city is. The immense 
                         buildings of glass and steel glinting 
                         in the afternoon sun, the smartly 
                         dressed women in their best summer 
                         frocks, the colorful street vendors.

               The waitress comes by.

                                     WAITRESS
                         How is everything?

                                     PUFF
                         Just spectacular. Great salmon. 
                         Fantastico! You've got to give me 
                         the recipe! My compliments to the 
                         chef!

                                     WAITRESS
                         I'm glad you...

               Puff stands and grabs her and starts humping her.

                                     NATHAN
                         Puff, no!

               Nathan presses a button on a small black box. Puff falls to 
               the floor. The waitress looks on, sort of confused.

                                     WAITRESS
                         And will that be all today?

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. TAXI - DAY

               Lila, Nathan, and Puff are in the back seat of the moving 
               taxi.

                                     PUFF
                         It shan't happen again. I swear it. 
                         I'm just getting my sea legs, you 
                         know.

                                     LILA
                              (patting Puff on the 
                              back)
                         It's an animal urge, Puff. It's 
                         nothing to be ashamed of.

                                     NATHAN
                         Lila! Tell him.

               Lila looks at Nathan, amends her statement.

                                     LILA
                              (to Puff)
                         You just have to control it. We're 
                         not apes.

                                     NATHAN
                         Thank you very much for that.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LAB - DAY

               Puff is sitting in a chair and facing a screen. The collar 
               is around his neck. Nathan and Lila stand behind him at a 
               slide projector.

                                     PUFF
                         I don't think this aversion therapy 
                         is really necessary, doctor. I 
                         understand the problem.

                                     NATHAN
                         Humor me, Puff. It's essential that 
                         I am able to trust you to function 
                         independently in the world.

                                     PUFF
                         I bow to your expertise in these 
                         matters.

                                     NATHAN
                         Lila?

               Lila dims the lights and switches on the projector. An image 
               of a pretty, fully clothed woman appears on the screen. Puff's 
               eyes widen, but he remains seated.

                                     NATHAN
                         Good. You're doing fine.

               The slide changes to a naked woman standing in a neutral 
               position, no expression on her face. Puff twitches, but stays 
               seated.

                                     NATHAN
                         Excellent.

               The slide changes to another photo of the same woman in the 
               same position, but with a seductive smile on her face. Puff 
               clutches the arms of the chairs.

                                     NATHAN
                         You're doing very nicely, Puff. I'm 
                         pleased.

               The slide changes to another picture of the same woman, this 
               time she is naked, has her back to the camera, is sticking 
               her butt out, and looking over her shoulder at the viewer 
               with shiny, heavily lipsticked, pursed lips. Puff is shaking.

                                     NATHAN
                         Great...

               Puff leaps out of his chair screaming and lunges for the 
               screen. Nathan grabs the black box and jolts him. Puff goes 
               flying in the air and lands with a crack. He heaves for a 
               while, then leaps up and runs for the screen again.

               Again Nathan shocks him. Again he lands on the floor. He 
               heaves, stands, lunges for the screen again. Nathan shocks 
               him. This happens seven more times. Smoke is pouring out 
               from the collar. Puff struggles to his feet. Looks at the 
               screen. He shrugs.

                                     PUFF
                              (unimpressed)
                         Eh.

               Puff sits down in his chair, and studies his finger nails.

               Nathan switches off the projector.

                                     NATHAN
                         Excellent work, Puff. Extra desert 
                         tonight.

                                     PUFF
                         Yahoo!

                                     NATHAN
                         Tomorrow, the acid test.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RESTAURANT - DAY

               This is a Hooters-type establishment called "Chester's."

               The waitresses are very busty and in Tight t-shirts which 
               are emblazoned with the name of the restaurant. Lila, Nathan, 
               and Puff sit at a table. Puff studies his menu intently, not 
               daring to look up. Lila looks around uncomfortably. A waitress 
               approaches.

                                     CHESTER'S WAITRESS
                         How you all doin' today?

                                     NATHAN
                              (cheerily)
                         Very well.

                                     LILA
                              (awkwardly)
                         Very well.

                                     PUFF
                              (looking down)
                         Very well.

                                     CHESTER'S WAITRESS
                         Good enough! What can I get for you?

                                     NATHAN
                         Puff, why don't you order first?

                                     PUFF
                              (looking at menu)
                         Uh, what's a Reuben, please?

               The waitress leans over to study the menu. Her breasts are 
               in Puff's face.

                                     CHESTER'S WAITRESS
                         The what, honey? Oh, the Reuben? 
                         That's a sandwich with corned beef 
                         and sauer...

                                     PUFF
                         That's fine. That's what I'll have. 
                         Corned beef is a good food.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. HALLWAY - DAY

               Lila, Nathan, and Puff walk along.

                                     NATHAN
                         Puff, I'm proud of you! You did 
                         remarkably well under difficult 
                         circumstances.

                                     LILA
                         Absolutely!

               Puff jumps up and down excitedly.

                                     PUFF
                         Did I? I tried so hard! I really 
                         concentrated! Oh, I'm so happy!

                                     NATHAN
                         And because you did so well, we have 
                         a little surprise for you.

                                     PUFF
                              (happily)
                         Extra dessert?

                                     NATHAN
                         Even better.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LAB - DAY

               Lila, Nathan, and Puff enter. Puff sees his Lucite case.

               It has been transformed into a bachelor pad. Inside is a 
               king-size bed, a TV, a couch, coffee table, shelves lined 
               with books, a small kitchenette. There is a curtain which 
               can be drawn for privacy. Puff is taken aback.

                                     NATHAN AND LILA
                         Surprise!

               Puff gasps and runs into the room. He is thrilled. Nathan 
               holds up a key.

                                     NATHAN
                         Free to come and go as you please. 
                         There's some "mad money" in the night 
                         table drawer.

                                     PUFF
                              (taking the key, 
                              hugging Nathan)
                         It's wonderful! Do you think I'm 
                         ready? Do you really?

                                     NATHAN
                         I trust that you'll make good, mature 
                         decisions. I trust that you'll do 
                         the proper thing.

                                     PUFF
                         Oh, I will!
                              (gravely)
                         Your very trust has instilled an 
                         enormous sense of responsibility in 
                         me. I don't want to disappoint you.

                                     NATHAN
                         Good. Remember, when in doubt: Don't 
                         ever do what you really want to do.

                                     PUFF
                              (taking it in)
                         Got it.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LILA AND NATHAN'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

               Lila and Nathan sit as far as possible from each other and 
               read books. Nathan looks at his watch.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. PUFF'S CASE - NIGHT

               Puff, dressed identically to Nathan, reads Moby Dick and 
               smokes a pipe. He distractedly taps his foot, stands and 
               studies a Monet print on the wall. His foot is still nervously 
               tapping. He checks his watch.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LILA AND NATHAN'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

               Nathan stands.

                                     NATHAN
                         I'm going to go down and check on 
                         Puff. See how he's holding up.

                                     LILA
                              (stretching)
                         Should I come with?

                                     NATHAN
                         Nah. You just relax. How's the book?

                                     LILA
                              (lazily, happily)
                         Ummm. It's good.

               Nathan kisses Lila on the forehead.

                                     NATHAN
                         I won't be long.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. CAR - NIGHT

               Nathan drives with a determined look on his face.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. GABRIELLE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

               The apartment is a mess. Every single light is on.

               Gabrielle is lounging in a stained nightshirt with a dopey 
               cartoon bear on the front. She's got some sort of pimple 
               medication dabbed on her face. She unconsciously but 
               ferociously bites her nails as she watches TV and talks on 
               the phone. There is no trace of a French accent.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (into phone)
                         You're kidding! Holy shit.
                              (beat)
                         Yeah, no duh! I had a wild hair up 
                         my ass over that for a month.

               There's a knock at the door.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Yeah? What?

                                     NATHAN (O.S.)
                         Hi. It's Nathan.

               Gabrielle's eyes widen. She jumps up from the couch and starts 
               straightening.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (into phone)
                         Call you back.
                              (hangs up, assumes 
                              French accent)
                         You bastard! What do you want?

                                     NATHAN (O.S.)
                         I just want to talk.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (ripping off her 
                              nightshirt)
                         We have nothing to say! You are a 
                         rotten bastard, that's what!

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

               Nathan stands there leaning against the door.

                                     NATHAN
                         Please. Just one minute of your time.

                                     GABRIELLE (O.S.)
                         Why? You've made your decision, Mister 
                         Stinky American! Now I hate you! No, 
                         I don't hate you; I don't even think 
                         about you!

                                     NATHAN
                         I've got some things to tell you.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. GABRIELLE'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

               Gabrielle is standing in front of a mirror, holding different 
               sexy outfits up to herself, trying to decide.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Like what?

                                     NATHAN (O.S.)
                         Well, I think it would be easier if 
                         I could talk to you in person.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         What for?

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

               We hear banging and rustling and arranging coming from inside 
               the apartment.

                                     NATHAN
                         Well, I think...

                                     GABRIELLE (O.S.)
                         You think too much. I need a man who 
                         doesn't think so much but acts more 
                         than he thinks... is what I need!

                                     NATHAN
                         What?

                                     GABRIELLE
                         You heard me! You make me sick when 
                         you pretend to not understand what I 
                         am saying to you! Go away from here!

                                     NATHAN
                              (turning away)
                         Well, look, I'm sorry to have bothered 
                         you.

               He starts to head down the hall.

                                     GABRIELLE (O.S.)
                              (beat, then screaming)
                         All right, already! Come in if you 
                         must! The door's open, you son of a 
                         bitch!

               Nathan heads back to the apartment, tries the knob. The door's 
               open. He enters.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. GABRIELLE'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

               The lights are low. The place is neat. Cool jazz plays quietly 
               in the background. Candles are lit. Gabrielle is nowhere to 
               be found. Nathan takes it all in. It's quite seductive.

                                     GABRIELLE (O.S.)
                         In here, you lousy piece of merde.

               Nathan follows her voice. He exits into the bedroom.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. GABRIELLE'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

               Candles in here also. Gabrielle, now made up and in a satin 
               teddy, lounges in bed, eating cherries from a bowl. Nathan 
               just stares. She is slightly out of breath, but trying to 
               conceal it. A film of perspiration glistens on her brow.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (testy)
                         Well?

                                     NATHAN
                         God, you're beautiful.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Please. I look a mess.

                                     NATHAN
                         No. You look so beautiful.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Anyway. Come already to the point.

                                     NATHAN
                         I'm... I'm going to leave Lila. I 
                         can't stop thinking about you.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         I've moved on.

                                     NATHAN
                         No!

                                     GABRIELLE
                         I've been seeing Johannsen in 
                         chemistry.

                                     NATHAN
                              (raging)
                         That goddamn Neanderthal? I'm the 
                         one who gave him the idea for the 
                         combination bug spray-sun screen! 
                         Did you know that?!

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (calm, dismissive)
                         That's not how he tells it.

                                     NATHAN
                         Of course not, that Swedish thief! 
                         He's a thief of hearts!
                              (beat)
                         I love you, Gabrielle.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (dismissive)
                         Hunh.

                                     NATHAN
                         Just give me some time to let Lila 
                         down easily. She's a really nice 
                         girl and I don't want to hurt her 
                         more than is necessary.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (beat)
                         You hurt me, you know, when you made 
                         Nathan's Choice. Does that not even 
                         matter to you, you pig?

               Gabrielle cries quietly. Nathan moves closer to her. He 
               strokes her hair.

                                     NATHAN
                         Can you ever forgive me?

               Gabrielle looks up at him. Her expression is noncommittal 
               and pouty, but she grabs his arm and pulls him down on top 
               of her.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. STRIP CLUB - NIGHT

               Puff, dressed a bit like he's a Victorian dandy, sits in the 
               front row and watches a naked woman on stage dancing. A 
               topless cocktail waitress comes by with a fresh drink for 
               him. She takes away his empty glass. He is horribly drunk 
               and holding himself with exaggerated rigidity -- an amateur 
               drinker's attempt to look sober.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LILA AND NATHAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

               Nathan enters. Lila sits on the couch still reading. She 
               looks up.

                                     NATHAN
                         Hey.

               Nathan kisses her on the forehead.

                                     LILA
                         You were gone a long time.

                                     NATHAN
                              (sits down next to 
                              her)
                         Yeah. Puff and I got into a big, 
                         philosophical discussion. He's really 
                         quite well read, considering he's 
                         only been literate for a month now. 
                         He's going to make us famous, Lila.

                                     LILA
                         So he's doing okay?

                                     NATHAN
                         Seemed fine. Quiet evening enjoying 
                         his new digs.

                                     LILA
                         That's funny because, you know, I 
                         just went and picked him up at some 
                         flophouse on the lower eastside. He 
                         called here when he ran out of his 
                         "mad" money after spending an entire 
                         evening drinking, watching strippers, 
                         and fucking a whore!
                              (then casually)
                         Oh, and what did you do tonight, 
                         honey?

                                     NATHAN
                         Shit.

                                     LILA
                         And what did you do tonight, honey?

                                     NATHAN
                         I've fallen in love with somebody 
                         else, Lila.

                                     LILA
                              (pointedly)
                         And what did you do tonight, honey?

                                     NATHAN
                         I fucked her! Okay? I fucked her. 
                         I'm sorry. But that's what the hell 
                         I did.

                                     LILA
                              (standing)
                         Do you know what I gave up to be 
                         with you?

                                     NATHAN
                         Yes.

                                     LILA
                         I gave up my soul, my beliefs. I 
                         gave up my body hair!

                                     NATHAN
                         Yeah, well, I'm sorry. The human 
                         heart is a strange thing.

                                     LILA
                         How the hell would you know anything 
                         about the human heart?

                                     NATHAN
                              (moving to her)
                         Lila...

               Lila turns around and slugs him, square on the jaw, hard, 
               knocking him to the floor.

                                     LILA
                         How's that for ladylike, Nathan.

               Lila opens up the hall closet and pulls out a suitcase.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT

               Lila looks pale and shaken. She smokes.

                                     LILA
                         For two weeks I holed myself up in a 
                         motel room. I didn't even know who I 
                         was. My world had crumbled. There is 
                         nothing that makes you feel dirtier 
                         than finally deciding to sell your 
                         soul and finding no buyers.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY

               Lila lies in bed watching TV. She is a mess. The room is a 
               mess. The wig is off. There's hair sprouting on her face.

               The curtains are drawn. There is a knock at the door.

                                     LILA
                         No maid service! For God's sake, 
                         can't you read the fucking "do not 
                         disturb" sign on the fucking doorknob?

                                     ROSE (O.S.)
                         Lila, it's Rosie.

                                     LILA
                              (beat)
                         Go the fuck away, Rosie.

                                     ROSE (O.S.)
                         Please, honey, let me in.

                                     LILA
                         Rose, please go away.

                                     ROSE (O.S.)
                         Lila, I want to help you.

               Lila gets up, drags herself to the door, and opens it. Rose 
               stands there trying not to let it show how lousy Lila looks.

                                     LILA
                         How'd you know where I was?

                                     ROSE
                         Nathan told my brother.

                                     LILA
                         Your brother should have his license 
                         revoked.

                                     ROSE
                         Yeah, although I'm not going to turn 
                         him in. I like hearing the dirt.

                                     LILA
                              (suddenly crying)
                         Why didn't your brother tell you 
                         that Nathan was having an affair?

               Rose holds Lila, who hangs on her as she weeps.

                                     ROSE
                         I don't know, honey. I don't know. 
                         Maybe he just didn't want to get 
                         involved.

                                     LILA
                         Oh, Rosie.

                                     ROSE
                         Let's get you out of here. Come stay 
                         with me until you get your strength 
                         back.
                              (cheerily)
                         Free electrolysis, if you want it! 
                         We'll get that face of yours cleared 
                         up in no time.

               Lila mulls it over. She looks back at the hotel room. It's 
               depressing. She sniffs in her snot.

                                     LILA
                         Yeah. I gotta get myself together. I 
                         want to look good. If I'm gonna fuck 
                         with Nathan, and I am, I want him to 
                         want to fuck me when I do it.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               MONTAGE SEQUENCE

               This sequence is Lila getting her strength back, both 
               emotional and physical. It is intercut with scenes of Nathan 
               and Gabrielle taking Puff on the lecture circuit.

               1) Lila eating a good breakfast.

               2) Lila struggling to do push-ups.

               3) Lila getting electrolysis on her face.

               4) Lila reading Nietzsche.

               5) Lila jogging.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LECTURE HALL - DAY

               A bearded psychologist addresses a crowd of bearded 
               psychologists.

                                     BEARDED PSYCHOLOGIST
                         ...and so without further ado, I 
                         give you Dr. Nathan Bronfman and 
                         Puff.

               The room bursts into applause as Nathan and Puff walk out 
               onstage, both in tuxes. Nathan stands behind a podium, Puff 
               sits casually, legs crossed, in a chair.

                                     NATHAN
                         Thank you. Let's get right to it. 
                         Here we have Puff the day of his 
                         capture.

               A video of Puff naked in his Lucite case, clawing at it, 
               shrieking like a banshee, and neurotically hopping up and 
               down, is projected onto a screen behind Nathan. There is a 
               collective gasp from the audience. Puff watches the video 
               with amused detachment. The video stops.

                                     NATHAN
                         And here he is today, a scant three 
                         months later.

               Puff stands, bows slightly to the audience. They burst into 
               vigorous applause.

                                     NATHAN
                         Puff, why don't you say a few words 
                         to the assemblage.

                                     PUFF
                         It would be my pleasure, doctor.
                              (behind podium)
                         Distinguished gentlemen and ladies 
                         of the psychological community, I 
                         stand before you today, a living 
                         testament to the amazing skill of 
                         Dr. Nathan Bronfman. To say that he 
                         took me from crayons to perfume would 
                         be a vast understatement. Dr. Bronfman 
                         took me from playing with my own 
                         feces, then to crayons, and then to 
                         an appreciation of the complex works 
                         of Franz Kline, Joseph Beuys, and 
                         Marcel Duchamp. From compulsive 
                         masturbation to...

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. BACKSTAGE - A BIT LATER

               Gabrielle waits in the wings.

                                     PUFF (O.S.)
                         And, so, goodnight, adieu, until we 
                         meet again, au revoir.

               The audience bursts into thunderous applause. Gabrielle joins 
               in. Nathan and Puff hurry off stage. Gabrielle embraces 
               Nathan.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         You were wonderful!

                                     NATHAN
                         Was I? I wasn't a tad stiff?

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Don't be silly!
                              (hugs Puff)
                         And you were wonderful, too! I loved 
                         the way you said " au revoir."

               Puff and Gabrielle exchange a look. She discreetly pinches 
               Puff's butt, smiles, winks. Nathan doesn't see this. He puts 
               his arm around Gabrielle.

                                     NATHAN
                         Come on, you two. Let's go celebrate!

               Nathan and Gabrielle walk on ahead. Puff tags behind, watching 
               Gabrielle's delightful walk.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. HOTEL ROOM - LATER

               Puff sits up on his bed, looking dejected. He listens to the 
               sounds of Nathan and Gabrielle having sex in the adjoining 
               room. He looks at his watch, gets up, gets dressed.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. X RATED BOOKSTORE - LATER

               A sweaty, sick-looking Puff watches a porno film in a little 
               booth. It ends. He steps out into the fluorescent glare of 
               the store. He walks out past several skulking degenerates.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS

               Puff exits the bookstore, walks down the street checking out 
               the tawdry hookers. He chooses one. She leads him into a 
               dark alley.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               MONTAGE

               6) Lila in a Tai Chi class.

               7) Lila doing jumping jacks.

               8) Lila reading The Art of War.

               9) Lila doing stomach crunches.

               10) Lila doing chin ups.

               11) Lila swimming laps.

               12) Lila getting more electrolysis.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LECTURE HALL - DAY

               Puff is on stage demonstrating his ballroom dancing technique. 
               He is waltzing with Gabrielle. Nathan stops the music, and 
               picks up a microphone.

                                     NATHAN
                         Now the tango.

               Nathan puts a tango record on. Gabrielle and Puff perform 
               expertly. The audience applauds.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

               Gabrielle, Nathan, and Puff are eating dinner.

                                     NATHAN
                         I think it went swimmingly today. 
                         You two make an excellent team.

               Gabrielle and Puff look at each other. She touches Puff's 
               knee under the table. Nathan is busy eating.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. ANOTHER HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

               Puff paces as he listens to sex noises from the next room.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. BAD NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT

               Puff walks along checking out the prostitutes. He signals to 
               one with a nonchalant jerk of his head.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               MONTAGE

               13) Lila doing one-handed push-ups.

               14) Lila rolling on the ground with a rifle.

               15) Lila, in boxing gloves, punching a bag.

               16) Lila reading the Kama Sutra.

               17) Lila getting electrolysis.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LECTURE HALL - DAY

               Puff addresses the crowd. Lila and Nathan look on adoringly 
               from the wings.

                                     PUFF
                         To be taken from the depths of 
                         ignorance and depravity and raised 
                         to heights of culture and refinement! 
                         This is the priceless gift bestowed 
                         upon me by Dr. Nathan Bronfman.

               Thunderous applause.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. ALLEY - NIGHT

               Puff leans against the wall drinking whiskey from a bottle, 
               as a prostitute, down on her knees in front of him, does her 
               business. The look on his face is not one of pleasure or 
               even release. It is a look of decay.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               MONTAGE

               18) Lila does chin ups. Her sweaty, muscular arms glisten in 
               the sun.

               19) Lila wind sprinting.

               20) Lila getting electrolysis. Rose moves away from her.

                                     ROSE
                         Done!

                                     LILA
                              (standing triumphantly)
                         Ready!

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LAB - DAY

               Nathan and Gabrielle, in lab coats, sit chatting with Puff.

               Puff sneaks glances at Gabrielle's legs and cleavage. She 
               makes his viewing possible.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (off clipboard)
                         So we've got seventeen new bookings 
                         for speaking engagements, my wonderful 
                         men.

                                     NATHAN
                         Terrific. We're all going to be rich 
                         and famous.

               Nathan kisses Gabrielle.

                                     PUFF
                         Thanks to you, Nate.

                                     NATHAN
                         Thanks to you, Buddy. And your 
                         diligence and intelligence and 
                         perseverance.

               Puff blushes.

                                     NATHAN
                              (to Gabrielle)
                         And of course to you, my sweet, for 
                         your... moral support.

                                     PUFF
                              (applauding)
                         here, here.

               Gabrielle kisses Nathan while glancing at Puff. A midget in 
               a business suit enters. It's the sour-looking guy from the 
               freak show.

                                     MIDGET
                         Excuse me, are you Dr. Bronfman?

                                     PUFF
                         Is that a little boy?

                                     NATHAN
                              (teaching)
                         No, Puff. This man is a midget. In 
                         actuality, they prefer to be called 
                         "Little People." Isn't that correct, 
                         my good man?

                                     MIDGET
                         Yes sir. Little People.

                                     NATHAN
                         This Little Person is actually a 
                         fully grown adult man, Puff, believe 
                         it or not, who, due to a genetic 
                         anomaly, is miniature but perfectly 
                         proportioned.
                              (to midget)
                         Turn, please.

               The midget turns.

                                     PUFF
                              (jotting in notebook)
                         Interesting.

                                     NATHAN
                         Now, my diminutive friend, what can 
                         I do for you?

               The midget pulls out a gun.

                                     MIDGET
                         You can get into that goddamn Lucite 
                         bachelor pad for starters, Goliath.

               Nathan, Gabrielle, and Puff look frightened. They stand and 
               back into the case.

                                     MIDGET
                              (to Puff)
                         Not you, Joyboy.

               Puff stops in his tracks. Nathan and Gabrielle continue to 
               back into the case.

                                     NATHAN
                         What is this about? We have no money 
                         on these premises. Please if you are 
                         from some little person terrorist 
                         fringe group...

                                     MIDGET
                              (loud and scary)
                         Shut up!

               Nathan and Gabrielle hurry into the case. The midget closes 
               and locks the door behind them. Puff is frozen with fear.

               Lila enters. She looks different now. Savage. Strong.

               Kind of sexy. She wears guerilla-like black clothing and a 
               beret over her closely hacked-off hair. She also carries a 
               gun.

                                     NATHAN
                         Lila?

                                     GABRIELLE
                         That's Lila?

                                     LILA
                         Shut up! Yeah, this is Lila, cunt. 
                         And don't let the hirsutism fool 
                         you. I know more about being a woman, 
                         and more about the black hearts of 
                         men than you, in your pretty little 
                         powdered, bullshit fantasy world, 
                         can ever imagine. I know the darkness 
                         and cruelty of nature, sweetie pie.

                                     NATHAN
                         Lila, you don't intend to hurt us, 
                         do you?

                                     LILA
                         Eat shit, thumbtack dick!
                              (to Midget)
                         Thank you, Frank. You're the best.

               Lila kisses the midget on the top of the head.

                                     MIDGET
                         Anything for you, Lila.

                                     LILA
                         See, Frank and I are kindred spirits. 
                         We both know what it's like to be 
                         shunned because of our appearance. 
                         We both know how easily that turns 
                         into self-hatred.

                                     MIDGET
                         Amen. Praise the Lord and pass the 
                         ammunition!

               Rose enters hurriedly, carrying rope. She bends over and 
               kisses Frank hard on the mouth for a long moment, then:

                                     ROSE
                              (to Lila)
                         Sorry I'm late, parking is a bitch 
                         at this place.

               Lila looks over and sees the two trained mice in the Lucite 
               case sitting at a tiny table and very politely eating their 
               lunch. One of the mice makes eye contact with Lila.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT

               Lila is naked in the bathroom and about to kill herself when 
               she makes eye contact with the mouse on the shelf next to 
               the tub.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. LAB - DAY

               Lila brings her focus back to the room. Everyone is watching 
               her, waiting for some direction.

                                     LILA
                         Uh, tie them up, Rosie. If you will.

                                     ROSE
                         With pleasure.

               Frank keeps the gun on Gabrielle and Nathan. Rose enters the 
               case and begins to tie them up and gag them.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY

               Puff is sitting in the car. The electronic collar is back 
               around his neck. Lila holds the black control box, and the 
               Lucite case with the two mice in it. She stands outside the 
               car with Frank and Rose.

                                     ROSE
                         I'm going to miss you.

                                     LILA
                         Oh, Rosie.

                                     ROSE
                         And I'm going to miss the lifestyle 
                         having you as a client has afforded 
                         me.

                                     LILA
                         Shut up, you.

               Lila laughs and hugs her.

                                     ROSE
                         I like you so much, with or without 
                         hair.
                              (confidentially)
                         But don't spread that around. Bad 
                         for business.

                                     LILA
                         I'm really glad you two found each 
                         other.

               Frank and Rose put their arms around each other. Frank is 
               exactly crotch-high to Rose.

                                     MIDGET
                         We're soul mates.

                                     ROSE
                         Souls have nothing to do with it, 
                         babe.

                                     LILA
                         I'll be in touch.

                                     ROSE
                         No you won't. But it's okay. You 
                         have stuff you gotta do.

               Lila tears up. So does Rose. They just stand there for a 
               moment, then:

                                     LILA
                              (choked)
                         Gotta go.

               Lila hurries around the car, gets in, and drives off. Rose 
               and Frank embrace. Frank nestles. Rose sighs contentedly.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. HIGHWAY - AFTERNOON

               Lila's car drives along. Puff looks nervously out the window.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. CAR - EVENING

               Lila and Puff are driving in silence on a dirt road through 
               the woods. Lila pulls off the road, drives to a place where 
               the car will be camouflaged, and parks.

                                     LILA
                         Stay.

               Puff stays in the car. Lila gets out, pulls the Lucite mouse 
               case from the back seat.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. CAR - CONTINUOUS

               Lila puts the case on the ground and unlatches it. The mice 
               looks confused at first. Then the male mouse pushes the door 
               open and holds it for the female mouse, who exits. The male 
               mouse follows her, and closes the door behind him. He turns 
               to Lila, nods, then extends his arm for the female mouse to 
               hold on to. She does, and they walk off together on their 
               hind legs into the woods. Lila sighs, and turns to Puff.

                                     LILA
                         Out.

               Puff gets out casually, then makes a mad dash for the road.

               Lila calmly presses the button on her black box. Puff spasms 
               and falls to the ground.

                                     LILA
                         Bad.

               Puff stays on the ground, breathing hard.

                                     LILA
                         Get up.

               Puff does.

                                     LILA
                         Take off your clothes.

               Puff does. So does Lila. She is covered with hair, except 
               for her face. But whereas Puff is now white and soft-looking, 
               Lila is tan and taut and muscular. This is a reversal of the 
               way both of them were when they first met.

               Puff seems taken with her body.

                                     LILA
                         We're going back to nature, you and 
                         I. I'm going to retrain you. I'm 
                         going to make you free again if I 
                         have to kill you doing it.

                                     PUFF
                         But I like being human now.

               Lila shocks Puff. He falls to the ground.

                                     LILA
                         You what?

                                     PUFF
                         I want to be the way I was before.

                                     LILA
                              (sweet)
                         Good. I'll show you how, apey.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               EXT. WOODS - A BIT LATER

               Puff and Lila have built makeshift shelter out of leaves and 
               twigs. They are sitting around a campfire, naked and dirty, 
               roasting a couple of skinned squirrels on sticks. The black 
               box rests in Lila's lap. Puff looks at the roasting squirrel, 
               is repulsed.

                                     PUFF
                         Nice night.

                                     LILA
                         Talking is to be kept to a minimum. 
                         Eventually, when we are ready, there 
                         will be none. Language was invented 
                         so that people could lie to each 
                         other and to themselves. There is no 
                         other reason.

               Puff begins to disagree. Lila's hand hovers over the button. 
               He stops himself.

                                     PUFF
                              (confused)
                         I agree?

               Lila shocks Puff.

                                     LILA
                         You lose. Any answer is the wrong 
                         answer.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. MAKESHIFT SHELTER - NIGHT

               Puff and Lila lie seperately under blankets of moss. The 
               breathing is heavy. Both seem to be sleeping. Puff opens his 
               eyes and tries to extricate himself from the moss without 
               making any noise. Lila presses the button and Puff falls in 
               a quivering mess.

                                     LILA
                              (whisper)
                         You'll thank me eventually, Puff. 
                         Well, you won't thank me, because we 
                         won't be speaking, but you'll sort 
                         of thank me with a special look, the 
                         look a dog gives you to let you know 
                         he loves you.

                                     PUFF
                         What an enchanting picture you paint 
                         of our future together.

               Lila shocks Puff once again. As he spasms, we:

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY

               Puff testifies.

                                     PUFF
                         And so commenced my reeducation, 
                         gentlemen. Lila taught me so much. 
                         She was a stern but fair teacher. 
                         And over time, I began to remember 
                         the carefree joy of living in a pure 
                         state of being. But something else 
                         happened as well, something perhaps 
                         distinctly human... I began to fall 
                         in love with Lila.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               EXT. WOODS - DAY

               Lila and Puff are naked and collecting mushrooms and berries. 
               Time has passed. Both Lila and Puff are dirtier and hairier. 
               Puff still wears his collar. Lila bends over to pick a 
               mushroom. Puff looks at her from behind.

                                     PUFF
                         Boy, you look so good from this ang...

               Lila turns, puts her finger to her lips in a gentle "no 
               talking" reminder, then shocks the hell out of Puff. He spasms 
               and falls on top of her, knocking her to the ground.

               He regains his composure, finds himself on top of Lila.

               They look at each other for a moment. Then they kiss. It's a 
               violent kiss. They grope each other. This is primal sex now. 
               In the dirt. Sweaty. Loud grunting. Lila even presses the 
               shock button at the right moment. Puff seems to like it in 
               this context.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. GABRIELLE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

               Nathan and Gabrielle are in bed, making love. It is gentle, 
               romantic, in good taste -- in direct contrast to the animal, 
               violent sex Puff and Lila are having. They finish. Nathan 
               pulls himself off of Gabrielle and falls onto his back, 
               staring up at the ceiling.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         A penny for your thoughts, mon cheri.

                                     NATHAN
                         I don't know. Something's missing.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT

               Gabrielle, Nathan, and Nathan's parents eat dinner.

               Nathan's parents are in clown make-up. There is a long 
               silence. Nathan is still sad. Gabrielle steals glances at 
               Nathan's parents. Finally Nathan speaks.

                                     NATHAN
                              (uninterested)
                         So, Mother and Father, how's Godspell 
                         going?

                                     MOTHER
                         How did you know we...

               The parents look at each other burst out laughing.

                                     MOTHER
                         Tell him, Harold.

                                     FATHER
                         It's going famously, son, famously!

                                     NATHAN
                              (despondent)
                         I'm glad.

                                     MOTHER
                         Harold, ask Nathan what's wrong.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Yes, please, somebody ask him what 
                         is wrong.

                                     NATHAN
                         I don't know.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

               Nathan and Gabrielle are in bed. Nathan stares up at the 
               ceiling. Finally:

                                     NATHAN
                         I want our boy back.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (sadly)
                         Oui.

                                     NATHAN
                         That bitch. I worked so hard. We 
                         worked so hard, you and I. He would've 
                         made us famous.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         We still have you and I.

                                     NATHAN
                         I know. And that's great. But it 
                         would be great in a better way, not 
                         a better way but a different way, if 
                         I could find him and bring him back.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Where do we look for little lost 
                         Puff?

                                     NATHAN
                         I have some thoughts. I think that 
                         hairy bitch is somewhere trying to 
                         turn him back into an ape.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         That is horrible. Apes are dirty. 
                         No?

                                     NATHAN
                         You better believe they're dirty! 
                         And smelly! And messy! And they don't 
                         know their forks from their assholes!

               Nathan, seemingly in the grips of a sudden horrific migraine, 
               scrunches his face and holds his ears. He relaxes a bit, and 
               gets out of bed. He walks across the room, pulls on some 
               pants, and picks up a container called "Stop Buggin' Me, 
               Sunny."

                                     NATHAN
                         I'm going alone. This could be 
                         dangerous.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (pulling covers up 
                              and turning away 
                              from him onto her 
                              side)
                         Okay, my sweet. Good night.

                                     NATHAN
                         A little resistance would be nice, 
                         damn it.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (without opening her 
                              eyes)
                         Please let me go with you.

                                     NATHAN
                         No.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Okay.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. CAR - DAY

               Nathan is driving along a wooded dirt road. He's in his 
               immaculate safari suit. He looks tired. He stops the car, 
               pulls out a gun, and gets out.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. WOODS - CONTINUOUS

               Nathan gets out of the car and runs into the woods. We follow.

                                     NATHAN
                              (yelling)
                         Aha!

               He looks around there is no one there. He sighs and walks 
               back to his car, pulls out a map and marks an area with a 
               red X.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. MOTEL - NIGHT

               Nathan is in his underwear. He is ironing his safari suit as 
               he talks on the phone.

                                     NATHAN
                         No luck yet, my sweet.

               We see an unfolded map on the bed. There are red X's in almost 
               all the state parks along the east coast.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. FOREST - EVENING

               Lila and puff are having sex again next to a campfire. Now 
               Lila is wearing the collar, and Puff is giving her well timed 
               shocks. They giggle and kiss after they finish. Puff sits 
               up. He holds his stomach and grunts hungrily. Lila grunts 
               back. She stands and retrieves a sack of berries.

               Puff and Lila greedily, gluttonously stuff their faces.

               Lila takes some berries and smashes them against Puff's face. 
               She laughs heartily. He looks annoyed for a second, but then 
               grabs a handful and squishes them against Lila's face. Pretty 
               soon they are having a berry war and are covered in purple 
               stains. They hug each other, out of breath and laughing.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT

               Lila smiles.

                                     LILA
                         It was paradise.
                              (beat, sadly)
                         At least for a tiny little while.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. FOREST - DAY

               Lila and Puff lie naked in a tree, lazily soaking up the 
               midday sun. There is a rustling in the bushes. They both 
               look up, alert but calm. Nathan, immaculate in his safari 
               suit, appears in the clearing. He holds a gun.

                                     NATHAN
                         Aha! Finally. I've covered almost 
                         the entire seaboard and parts of 
                         eastern Ohio.

                                     LILA
                         Ugnh.

                                     PUFF
                         Ugnh.

                                     NATHAN
                         Oh please, is that as articulate as 
                         you can be after all the time I spent 
                         teaching you? We've discussed 
                         Wittgenstein, for Christ's sake. Not 
                         that you ever had anything very 
                         original or challenging to say on 
                         the subject.

                                     PUFF
                         Unn.

                                     NATHAN
                         Down from the tree. Both of you. 
                         Keep your hands where I can see them. 
                         Don't want you pulling any weapons 
                         out of your fur.

               Nathan laughs heartily, haughtily, at his joke as Lila and 
               Puff climb down from the tree.

                                     NATHAN
                         Look at you two. You both disgust 
                         me.

                                     LILA
                         Oook. Oook.

                                     NATHAN
                         Shut up!
                              (to Puff)
                         I gave you... life. I created you in 
                         my image, Puff. I took you from this 
                         primordial ooze and brought you into 
                         the world of culture and art and 
                         manners. And this is how you repay 
                         me? By heading back to the ooze first 
                         chance you get? I should leave you 
                         here with Lila the ape woman. It 
                         would serve you right, you ungrateful 
                         piece of crap. But I'm not going to. 
                         You're too valuable to me. Totally 
                         selfish of me. You serve my purpose. 
                         But if you had any smarts you would 
                         realize that I serve your purpose as 
                         well. Life is so much more delightful 
                         when lived in a silk suit.

                                     LILA
                         Ooka.

                                     NATHAN
                         Don't worry, Lila. You can stay. I 
                         don't have any interest in you 
                         anymore.
                              (to Puff)
                         C'mon, monkey boy.

               Puff looks at Lila. Lila shrugs helplessly. Puff reaches out 
               to touch her hand.

                                     NATHAN
                         Now!

               Puff looks at Lila again. She jerks her head in the direction 
               of Nathan. Puff sighs and moves to Nathan.

               Nathan prods Puff, and they head off through the trees.

               Suddenly Puff elbows Nathan. Nathan grunts, doubles over.

               Puff turns, lunges, and the two wrestle on the ground.

               Puff pries the gun from Nathan's hand, and jumps up. Nathan 
               stands also, backing away. Puff has the gun trained on Nathan. 
               Lila runs to Puff, stands behind him.

                                     NATHAN
                         Puff, put the gun down.

                                     PUFF
                         Ounpoo. Ungh.

                                     NATHAN
                         Let's be reasonable human beings 
                         here. We're all reasonable human 
                         beings, aren't we?

                                     PUFF
                              (jumping up and down 
                              like a chimp)
                         Unka unka unka unka unka.

                                     NATHAN
                         Look, why don't you and Lila stay 
                         here and have your natural life. 
                         I'll just go on my way. You'll never 
                         see me again.

                                     PUFF
                              (to Lila, guiltily)
                         I have to talk. Is that okay?

               Lila nods.

                                     PUFF
                              (to Nathan)
                         You did create me in your image, 
                         Nathan. Before you I was a simple, 
                         happy, complete being, in harmony 
                         with the world around me. After you 
                         I became duplicitous, cynical, angry, 
                         anal, totally out of touch with my 
                         surroundings. In a word, Nathan, I 
                         became you. Lila has reintroduced me 
                         to myself. And, incidentally, what 
                         I'm about to do, kill you, is 
                         something that would never have 
                         occurred to me to do as a creature 
                         of the Earth. Before when I killed, 
                         it was for food or in self-defense. 
                         Now I will kill for revenge. Revenge 
                         is an abstract concept, Nathan. And 
                         I learned abstract thinking from 
                         you.

                                     NATHAN
                         No.

                                     LILA
                         Puff, don't.

               Puff shoots. A crow screams. The fluttering of wings. The 
               bullet hits Nathan in the head. He falls.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT

               Lila sobs.

                                     LILA
                         Then I shot Nathan.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY

               Puff dabs his eye.

                                     PUFF
                         Then Lila shot Nathan.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. WHITE SPACE - DAY

               Nathan talks.

                                     NATHAN
                         Then Puff shot me. Then I died. That's 
                         all I know. That's the end of my 
                         story. Do I get to go to heaven now?
                              (beat)
                         Or is it... hell?
                              (beat)
                         Or... what?
                              (beat)
                         I just stay here, is it? I just stay 
                         here and tell it again? And after 
                         that? Again? And after...
                              (sighs)
                         Yes. Yes, of course.
                              (sighs, clears his 
                              throat)

               We move into an extreme close-up.

                                     NATHAN
                              (beginning again)
                         I don't even know what sorry means 
                         anymore. It's odd. When I was alive 
                         I knew -- maybe it was all I knew...

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               EXT. FOREST - DAY

               Lila runs to Nathan. She kneels beside him.

                                     LILA
                         He's dead.

                                     PUFF
                              (calmly)
                         We bury the body. We disappear into 
                         the woods. Nobody knows.

                                     LILA
                              (beat, then quietly)
                         No. This is the end of the road. 
                         There's a dead human being here. For 
                         all of his faults, he was a human 
                         being, and certainly a victim of his 
                         culture as much as anybody.

                                     PUFF
                         Forget him, Lila. We'll disappear. 
                         We'll never talk about it again. 
                         We'll never talk again period. I 
                         love you.

                                     LILA
                         Puff, what happened to you is as 
                         much my fault as Nathan's. Maybe 
                         more so, because I knew it was wrong 
                         and I went along with it anyway. I'm 
                         taking responsibility for the murder. 
                         I want you to go back to your old 
                         life.

                                     PUFF
                         I won't let you do that. I shot the 
                         bastard. And I'm glad.

                                     LILA
                         No. Go back to the woods. This is a 
                         sacrifice I need to make. In my world 
                         we have something called penance. 
                         It's another abstraction, but I had 
                         the concept drummed into my head 
                         during my years in the convent. It 
                         doesn't exist for you, and it 
                         shouldn't. See, I could never be 
                         free again anyway, so I might as 
                         well be in jail.

                                     PUFF
                              (beat)
                         Then I'll live for both of us, Lila. 
                         I'll be the most free, truest animal 
                         in the whole forest. For both of us.

                                     LILA
                              (tearing up)
                         That's what I'm counting on.

                                     PUFF
                              (an idea)
                         But first I'll live among them, just 
                         long enough to testify before congress 
                         about the waywardness of humankind.

                                     LILA
                              (shrugs)
                         Okay. If you think it will help.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. JAIL - DAY

               Lila, now in prison coveralls, sits in a dayroom with other 
               women convicts. She is watching a TV mounted on the wall.

               Puff is testifying.

                                     PUFF
                         And so, gentlemen, that is my story. 
                         I agreed to testify before this 
                         committee because I hoped to convey 
                         to the American public that there is 
                         indeed a paradise lost. Human beings 
                         have become so enamored of their 
                         technologies and their intellectual 
                         prowess and their fancy gourmet foods, 
                         that they've forgotten to look to 
                         the Earth as a teacher. This is 
                         hubris, my friends. And my story of 
                         destruction and betrayal is proof of 
                         that. I will keep my promise to Lila. 
                         I will shed this suit and go back 
                         into the wilderness. I will live out 
                         my days naked and free.

                                     CONGRESSMAN
                         Thank you, sir. Your story has touched 
                         us all deeply. We will pass some 
                         legislation addressing this problem.

                                     PUFF
                         Thank you. That is all I ask.
                              (to camera)
                         Good-bye, Lila. I take you with me 
                         in my untamed heart.

               Puff stands and exits the auditorium. Flashbulbs flash.

               In the prison common room, Lila wipes a tear from her eye.

               She seems genuinely happy. She looks out a small barred window 
               and sees a bluebird light there, then fly away.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. WASHINGTON STREET - DAY

               Puff walks along, a man on a mission. As he walks he sheds 
               articles of clothing. He is followed by reporters and 
               cameramen and celebrity hounds. Soon he is naked.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - DAY

               Puff walks along, naked. People cheer from porches.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. RURAL ROAD - DUSK

               Puff walks along. He is still followed by reporters. Cows 
               watch the parade.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. FOREST - EVENING

               Puff walks along a dirt road. He is about to disappear into 
               the forest. An older woman rushes out from the crowd.

                                     OLDER WOMAN
                         Wait!

                                     PUFF
                              (turning)
                         Yes?

                                     OLDER WOMAN
                         I saw you on C-Span. I've been looking 
                         for you for thirty years. Then there 
                         you were, such a beautiful, beautiful 
                         grown man.

               The older woman starts to cry.

                                     PUFF
                         Mother?

                                     OLDER WOMAN
                         Yes... Derek.

               Puff holds out his hand for her to shake. Flashbulbs flash.

                                     PUFF
                              (formally)
                         It's a pleasure to meet you, mother. 
                         But I'm an ape like dad was...
                              (checks watch)
                         And I have to go back into the woods 
                         now... forever.

                                     OLDER WOMAN
                              (resigned)
                         Yes, I suppose so. I suppose I knew 
                         that was going to be what you would 
                         say. It's good to see you again 
                         though.

                                     PUFF
                         Yes.

                                     OLDER WOMAN
                         I'm in the book, if you ever want to 
                         drop me a line or something.

                                     PUFF
                         I'm an ape, mom. I'm an ape. And 
                         apes don't drop lines.

               His mother weeps. Puff gently rests his hand on her shoulder 
               for a moment, then he turns and waves to the reporters. The 
               crowd bursts into applause. Flashbulbs flash. Puff jogs into 
               the woods. There is a collective sigh, and then everyone 
               turns and heads back in the direction from which they came. 
               We hold on the woods for a moment. A car pulls up. Puff 
               hurries out of the woods and jumps in the passenger side of 
               the car.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS

               Puff leans over and kisses Gabrielle, who is driving the 
               car.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Hello, my little boy.

                                     PUFF
                         Hey, ma. Did you bring any clothes? 
                         I'm freezing my ass off.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Oui. Nathan's silk suit, just like 
                         you asked.

                                     PUFF
                         Great.
                              (putting on suit)
                         God, I've wanted you forever.

               Gabrielle giggles. Puff kisses her.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Say my name.

                                     PUFF
                         Gabrielle.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (eyes glistening)
                         You remind me so much of Nathan.

                                     PUFF
                         Like father, like son.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (stroking his face)
                         You remind me so much of Nathan plus 
                         so much of my little mongrel doggie.

                                     PUFF
                         Woof.

               This turns Gabrielle on. She kisses him passionately. When 
               the kiss runs its course, Puff speaks.

                                     PUFF
                         Arf.

               Gabrielle kisses him again, even more passionately this time

                                     PUFF
                         As much as I loved Nathan, I'm not 
                         sorry she killed him, if it means I 
                         can have you. Is that a terrible 
                         thing to say, my sweet?

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (putting her finger 
                              to his lips)
                         Hush. No, it is never terrible to be 
                         in love. Nathan's memory lives on in 
                         our sacred union.
                              (beat)
                         I'm not sorry she killed him either. 
                         Nathan was wonderful. He was erudite 
                         and sophisticated and charming. You 
                         are all that, too. But you have 
                         something more. You have a bit of 
                         the animal in you.

               They smile flirtatiously at each other. Puff leans over and 
               kisses Gabrielle's neck.

                                     PUFF
                         Let's go eat, I'm starved.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         French?

                                     PUFF
                         Oui.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. DIRT ROAD - NIGHT

               The car makes a screeching u-turn. It disappears in the 
               direction of the city. When the dust clears, we see the two 
               white mice standing there on the side of the road, shivering 
               and emaciated. The male holds out his the thumb and the female 
               holds a tiny little sign which reads: New York.

               There is a look of hopelessness in their beady black eyes.

               FADE OUT.

                                         THE END